Walking a Thin Blue Line

What Cop Wives Want (and Need)

2010-11-28T23:42:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back from being MIA in blogland and received this awesome article from my fellow copwife, blogging pal Momma Val.

It's titled, "What a Woman Wants from Her Man: Advice for the Cop Who Wants to Keep His Woman"

It shares the basic needs that suddenly seem to no longer take precedence at times when married to a cop. This is a generalized statement, and maybe you're one of the extreme fortunate ones that have never had to deal with a relationship adjustment with you fella in blue, but I can speak from personal experience that this article is true.

Here's a snippet from the article, yet it's all worth a read (italics added):

Simply put, women need to feel loved. A women feels loved when she is number one in her partner's life. She needs to know he values her over the job, friends,
coworkers, hunting, golf, his mom, and the kids. If a woman perceives she takes
second place in any area of her man's priorities, she will start to build a wall
that protects her emotionally. She will pull away and not see her man as a safe
person she can trust with all of her vulnerabilities. If she does not feel safe
and loved by her man she will then begin to deny her need to feel loved, or
worse, get the need met someone else. Either way the relationship suffers when
this dynamic occurs and will often lead to the relationship ending. Again I will
say, in order for a woman to feel loved she needs to feel first in her man's
world.

What have you found that works for your needs getting met?

We aren't the ones driving the bus

2010-07-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

I thought I would update on the post I made previously. About the family who had a terrible tragedy 1 week ago today.

Today, the sweet little one who was injured has returned to her Father in Heaven.

So many thoughts about this.

First and foremost is of course true sorrow for this family and a great deal of respect for the composure and grace they have shown throughout this week. Thousands of people have been reading their blog daily, writing to them and praying for this little girl to recover, hoping a miracle would happen.
I respectfully submit perhaps it did and we just don't see the full extent of that miracle yet. And I say that based on what her brave parents has said about the past week.
But, at this time, in this deeply powerful and personal moment for this family; I feel like a Peeping Tom intruding on what can only be described as their Sacred Ground. And I need to get off their ground and return to a respectful distance while they mourn the loss of a dearly precious one.

The next thoughts I have are for the ones who tried to save this dear child, from the good samaritan to the first responders (cops, emts, fire fighters) to the doctors and nurses. They all did their very best work, I am quite certain of it.
But I am afraid that some blame themselves for this sad outcome. That they have thoughts of, "Maybe I didn't do enough," or "If only I had been faster, stronger..."
I worry for the ones who have been losing sleep over this, and hanging any of their self-worth on the outcome of this situation.
Because that would be wrong to do.

We aren't the ones driving this bus.
Not a single person on this earth can really definitively say why this had to happen now, to this little one.
No one can go back in time and undo what was done.

None of us are in control at the end of the day and occasionally the Good Lord, in His Infinite Wisdon, must take all of us by the hand and walk us down a road we don't want to walk; for reasons we won't understand until we've reached the end of that particular path.
We don't have control over it so we may as well sit down in our seat, look out the window, and let the bus driver drive.

I am so proud of everyone who worked so hard to help this family and I hope they know that no one sees them as having failed. We all know you did your best, please know it too.

And please, our LEO friends and family out there, pray for this family during this private, SACRED time in their lives and pray for our family in blue (and the good samaritan and every person who did their best to save this little one) so they can heal also.

A unique perspective on tragedy

2010-07-10T16:16:00.000-07:00

***Out of respect for the parties involved I am attempting to keep this as vague as possible. This is such a tender situation and I have no desire to add to anyone's heart ache.***

I'm feeling a little raw right now. And I won't lie, I feel foolish about that. After all, I'm not even a LEO.
But this one hit me.

I sometimes forget that the tragedy that happens every day, that our LEOs respond to, happen to real people. It is so easy to put up the distance and forget.

Last night something big went down in the area. We knew that just based on the lights and sirens rushing past our house. And of course the helicopter which told us that someone was very badly hurt.

In all honesty, I didn't even give it a second thought. Its summer. Tis the season.

This morning I saw a few of my cop wife friends and they told me what had happened as their LEOs were the first responders. A little one was in a terrible accident. Just horrible and their poor men did everything they could to save this child, but it was one of those accidents where really it was (and still is) in God's hands how it would end. Heartbreaking.

As they were telling me this, I am ashamed to admit my first thought was, "I am so relieved Big Daddy didn't have to respond to that call." My second thoughts were feeling for those LEOs. Any accident is horrible, but we all know that when a tiny one is involved it affects them a bit more. In talking to them I remember saying it was horrible, but the boys did their best and bad things happen. We just have to accept it and move on. You know, your standard stuff you say when you've seen your guy there before and you know that it will be rough on them but it will eventually get better (you hope).

Later that day a gal I know came by talking about this accident. Only, what she said hit me. I actually knew the family involved in this horrible accident. Not intimately, but well enough to say hello and make small talk. Enough to know exactly who they were. My heart just broke. And I felt a level of shame that I had been so callous in my sentiment that bad things happen but the world will move on. For these people I know, the world may not move for some time.

Additionally, it gave me an additional layer of empathy and pain for the situation. It is stupid, but when a little one is harmed I always hope that if they are taken from this world, they are taken to a much better place. But... this one is such a loved little one. To take it from its loving parents after all the LEOs did... it hurts so much more.

Then after that I was told another piece of information. There was a good samaritan involved who was in the right place at the right time and if this story does have a happy ending, this person will have played a pivotal role. I know this person also. And I hurt for this person. Because while a LEO's job it rough, they did sign up for it. That good samaritan, well this just landed in their lap and what a traumatic thing to go through. Another person to hurt for.

None of these three parties know each other, but I know them.

And I know the earth doesn't revolve around me and my feelings in this are frankly, not worth mentioning compared to those directly involved, but it is a unique window into the way it must feel to be an LEO for me. Because sometimes they do know the parties involved and that must make it that much harder to do their job and keep their composure and not let the pain they witness damage them too.

It is so easy to keep a distance when bad things happen and that is a good healthy thing. I have more of an appreciation for how the LEOs I know are able to take these moments and put them away and keep on going. I understand the need for their off beat humor even more and I get the bond they have with each other. Because only they can understand what they have each seen and been through.

I now understand more that I will never fully understand. But I see a bit more and it gives me more compassion for what everyone in a situation like this goes through. What a horrible painful moment for all involved.

Bad things happen.
The world will go on.

But, for these three groups of people, to varying degrees, they will be left in that moment for some time, dealing with different and yet similar emotions.

I've never had an opportunity to have such a unique perspective on something and while I am grateful for it, I hope I never do again.

Right now all I can do it pray for each party and hope that a wonderful miraculous ending can occur. And if it can't, that everyone in pain from this horrible horrible accident will be comforted by someone much greater than us all.

Natalie had her baby today

2010-06-24T23:19:00.000-07:00

I'll leave it to her to give you all the details, but some of us sisters in blue went in tonight to see her and the little guy. He looks good, she looks good.
So there you have it.

Kimber

LEO Exposure to Meth

2010-04-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

As I was browsing my facebook account this morning, trying to get the motivation to get out of bed, I came across this link from an old friend I graduated with:

A $6.oo Lifesaver for the non-profit MethCops Program

What I didn't know until about a year ago, he's also Dog, the Bounty Hunter's son. I saw him on TV and couldn't hardly believe it. Wes has an amazing story, though it's not for the faint of heart yet shows how strong of a person he's become.

I digress. Going back to the MethCops Program mentioned above, some of those interviewed described similar struggles that I've seen in FH as well as other local officers.

For instance, after a major drug bust over a year ago, FH was sick for days afterwards and some of the other officers involved developed asthmatic conditions and similar physical symptoms. Meth is a huge problem in this little community, and after watching the youtube video on the link above, I'm wondering if some of FH's anger, headaches, and out-of-character reactions are a result of this exposure.

It's definitely worth taking a looksy at, and I'm intrigued about learning more about the program.

Behind the Badge: A spouse’s job is just as tough

2010-03-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

Behind the Badge: A spouse’s job is just as tough

This article is a little long, but worth the read.........it helps a lot. I love FISH and I trust his skills that they will keep him safe every day.

Having the LEO at Home

2010-03-22T10:02:00.000-07:00

FH just finished a set of nights, but I've been so jumpy with him home! And not the newlywed kind.

Let me explain. I've been so used to doing the single parent thing, that it's hard to know what to do with him now that he has a few days off.

For example, I have a routine of putting the kids to bed, which seems as if it takes forever doing it alone, so I was totally pumped to get his help. Well, as soon as we came home from having dinner with the folks, I got right back into my solo routine and proceeded to put the kids to bed.

While emerging into the hall after getting a glass of water from the fridge, I did a scaredy-jumpy dance (foot stomp and all) seeing his form coming from another room. The kids had just gone to bed otherwise I probably would've shrieked like a little pansy.

He gave me a perplexed look then walked off. A little later that evening I got both of our toothbrushes ready, thinking it was nice that we could go to bed at the same time. But when he came in to grab his toothbrush, another scaredy-jumpy dance (foot stomp and all) occurred.

"What's the deal with you?"

"I don't know!" as I giggled sheepishly. He just rolled his eyes and brushed his teeth.

It's always hard for me to go to sleep when he's working nights wishing he was home (though I highly enjoy having the bed to myself being pregnant right now). I just didn't realize that I got use to it and tuned his presence out!

I love my husband, and I don't want him to think that we don't care about him because he's hardly ever home, yet in order to get tasks done I have to pretend it's just me. Little did I know that my imagination would make it a reality.

I wonder if part of this stems back to some psychological issue I had during my Barbie-playing days. After having a few Ken dolls melted by my brothers (definitely a story for another day), I just resigned to the fact that Ken was always away on business trips or in meetings while Barbie had girlfriends over and raised children.

I don't compare myself to Barbie (and wouldn't want to!), but why did I always make her "single yet married?"

I've been writing little love notes to FH on a chalkboard in our kitchen the last few months and have actually enjoyed sending him texts (never thought I'd see the day since I use to be so opposed to that form of technology). I know I'm married, I'm just use to being single.

I want FH to know I'm thinking about him, but when he's physically home, I end up doing a scaredy-jumpy dance (foot stomp and all).

Has anyone else had this happen to them? I think I need therapy.

Would You Arrest Me, Please?

2010-02-26T11:45:00.000-08:00

The following true event just occurred today:

The officer is talking to the suspect, which quickly begins to flee. The officer informs the suspect, now criminal from fleeing the scene of crime, to stop or they'll be under arrest. The criminal quickly stops, turns around, then says, "Will you arrest me, please?"

Taken aback, the officer quickly comes to her senses and grabs the criminal's wrists.

"Don't forget the handcuffs."

The officer places the criminal in handcuffs then pushes him roughly through the door, stating in a gruff voice, "Get in there punk. Now turn around so I can search you for any weapons."

The criminal begins to giggle.

"Looks like your clean. What were you doing running away, then?"

By now, the criminal is giggling uncontrollably to answer. With his arms still pinned behind his back, he states,

"Officer, don't forget my sister."

"She's already laying down for a nap and if you don't watch it, that's right where you're heading, mister."

"OK, Officer. May I get my handcuffs off now and watch a movie?"

"Oh, OK." The invisible handcuffs are taken off. "Do you want some lunch right now, too?"

"Yes, please. With a drink."

So the officer heads to the kitchen to make the obliging criminal lunch (and drink) while putting a dinosaur movie on.

It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it. Just call me Officer Mom.

I am tired (I can do this)

2010-02-05T15:54:00.000-08:00

I know I can do this and I will.
But I need to say this.

I am so tired.

BD has been called out every week since New Years Day.
More than once a week on occasion.
In the past 7 days he has worked over 30 hours over time.

I am not well today and honestly, it was one of those rare days when I was sick enough to be counting the seconds until he got home.

The phone just rang.

You guessed it.

I know I have the ability to do this and do it well.
But I am so tired.
I don't feel good at all.
I need to sleep.
I need to allow myself to be sick so I can recover.

Let me take this moment please.

Okay.
I can do this.
I will do this.
This is fine and I am great at running point on the parenting front.
I can cover for his obligations tonight as I have a backup plan.
This is what I signed up for and I am so very capable of doing this.

Deep breath.
And... go.

Senior Patrol Officer

2010-01-25T14:24:00.000-08:00

I'm well overdue to post on here, so what better news than good news, right?!

A few weeks ago FH came home after a quick stop to the office all grins. At first, I thought that there must have been some raunchy joke they pulled on a fellow officer or he realized that the budget cut was all just a test by the City to see how the employees handled the stress. Unfortunately, it was neither one, but he DID get promoted!

FH is now a Senior Patrol Officer. Unbeknownst to FH, Chief ordered his chevron and when it finally came in, he noticed FH was there to finish some paperwork so he called him into his office. Chief gruffly stated as he threw the baggy of chevrons for his uniform and lapel to FH, "Here. Now don't say I never gave you anything."

"Thanks, Chief!"

"Yeah, now get out of here."

And that was that. Now that we've finished up FH's first two years and heading into the third, it's exciting for him to get recognition and I'm just brimming over with pride for my man in blue. I was excited to place the badges on his uniform before the next shift set, but it took FOREVER to align the chevrons under his shield on his shirtsleeves while the kiddies were eagerly looking on. Maybe I should have used a machine....

I asked FH if he felt like a seasoned officer now, to which he replied, "I think I'll always encounter things in this job that take me by surprise, but it is nice to know the ropes a bit more every time I clock on."

I, on the other hand, still feel green at times to the LEO world, but I know my fellow LEO bloggers have really helped me land on my feet so I can be there for FH and bask in all of his future accomplishments.

Do you have any fond memories of promotions?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tyO-M05Fxs

2010-01-18T10:11:00.001-08:00

Watch this. I laughed so hard! We need some laughter more in this business!!!

Ok, I'm so computer illiterate! I can't get the link to paste right, it would only go into the title and it doesn't go directly to the site. Sorry! If you want to, go to you tube. It's worth it!

Belt tightening

2010-01-01T20:35:00.000-08:00

Here in our little hamlet, the city leaders have chosen to enforce a pay cut on all city employees. This of course includes the cops.

Have other departments gone through similar budgetary measures? Or how has your department been affected by the economy?

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-23T20:46:00.000-08:00

I just want to wish all a Merry Christmas! If you're like me and spending Christmas spousless because of work, I hope they are safe and return home safely to you! Enjoy the holiday's anyway and again Merry Christmas! And if it isn't Christmas you celebrate, the same goes for you on your holidays! Love from your LEO family!

Steven Seagal is a cop (and Big Daddy is loving it!)

2009-12-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

So, I just have to tell you about our new favorite show (as if you didn't know)...

Lawman! The Steven Seagal show.

Big Daddy is a black belt in karate and so he was so excited about this. We watched both episodes last week together and other than the weird eye scanning freeze frame thingy ma bob, we quite enjoyed it.

Plus one of the officers looks like what I imagine a love child between Fish and Butch would look like (I know only my local sistahs in blue gets that one, but that's okay).

Honestly, I love this show because I think we need some realistic, POSITIVE shows about law enforcement. This one fits the bill.

I lost an email from one of you...

2009-12-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

Oh, Kimber here.
Someone asked me about babywearing and I wrote a huge reply and tonight I realized I never sent it and now it is mia.
comment here your email please, I want to talk about it and I'm sorry. I am blonde, what can I say?

Oh and funny tidbit, Big Daddy has been spouting off the wonders of cosleeping and babywearing at work a lot lately. If he doesn't watch it they are going to sic the drug K9 on him because he is SO CRUNCHY!

I'm not an over worrier of a wife but...

2009-11-29T20:14:00.001-08:00

THIS
is what terrifies me.

I'm not scared of Big Daddy getting hurt in the line of duty. I know he is safe and I know he is careful and I know that he will do his best and past that I just let go and let God.

But this, the random (at least right now that is what it seems like), insane hatred of police and the desire to hurt and kill them... it scares me to death.

And all I can do it hurt for those who have lost their LEO.

A little bit late

2009-11-24T21:37:00.000-08:00

Big Daddy was due home at 5pm.

It is 10:33pm

I'm not upset, really. I'm actually happy because at 5:03pm he called me and said, "Honey I am sorry I'm not calling sooner, but I was tied up until now with something and I'm going to be late."

That sentence warms my heart.

I get that he has to work late and I get that it happens in a moment and he has no control over it. I love that he is nice enough to acknowledge that when he calls me. Then I can go into super wife/mama mode and continue on with my night. That makes a world of difference to me.

Thanks BD, for letting me know and being sweet about it too!

Hope I see you before midnight. Dinner will be here when you get home and if it is too late breakfast will be instead.

He works hard for the money...

2009-11-18T22:37:00.000-08:00

So you'd better treat him right.

Money.

Man, I hate money.

I remember when BD first became a cop. We celebrated because, "We would never worry about paying the bills again!"

Boy, we were not smart. We got the first paycheck and knew we were in trouble.

Since then we've done a lot of different things to make ends meet. Overtime, teaching karate (BD), overtime, teaching piano (me), over time, starting a business (me and I'm selling it now, lol), over time, working part time gigs here and there and... overtime!

For us, we feel like it is best if I'm home while the kiddos are tiny, and while I've discussed getting a full time job before, BD just won't hear of it right now. I do a lot of penny pinching, couponing and other creative ways to save money so we are making it.

But, I'm curious... how do you make ends meet? Do you (could you) do it on one income?

What jobs work with the leo life?

BD's karate school is doing pretty decent and I am 1 student off of my target (this is my first year back to teaching piano and voice after years of running a small business, so my goals were modest) and we are doing okay that way, but in my fantasy world we earn enough to pay off the car and house fast and start creating a healthy bank account.
It'll happen one day... but for now, as long as we have a home and are together, I can deal with being po.

Dealing with Stupidity: Police vs. Teachers

2009-11-12T16:33:00.001-08:00

A while back FH sent this e-mail to me, but I have no idea how to check its validity that these were real comments really sent to the the below parties:

WHO is Funnier:

TEACHERS or COPS?

Teachers: these are actual comments made on student report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, some of these are really funny!

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thingie to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. it’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

Note: It's Natalie here. I can personally relate to the teachers that made these comments, and can probably deduce that the comments were said/written/e-mailed after excrutiatingly long inservices, grading 150+ papers, most of which mediocre at best, etc...

While I was teaching I never vocally said anything like this, but it doesn't mean that I didn't THINK it! For the record, I firmly believe that a teacher has an important responsibility to provide an edifying environment for students to learn in, and even with that attitude, some students really test their limits.

Now, what FH can relate to:

Cops: These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country.

Thank goodness, in spite of the perils of the job, they still have a sense of humour!

16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.’

15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

14. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?

Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.

Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

9. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'

8. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not... Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

7. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey shit.'

6. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

5. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

4. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

3. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

2. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours.

So you know someone who can post your bail'.

AND THE WINNER IS.....

1.'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'

Social Life for LEO fams

2009-11-01T06:57:00.000-08:00

So, I have thoughts (weird, right?).

We're coming up on 6 years here and I've learned a lot since we started.

This is a smattering of the social lessons we've learned (mostly the hard way) since Big Daddy started.

Some lessons I wanted to share and I hope you'll share with me (or tell me if I'm a freak). I think these could go for any marriage, but I've learned them in the police life.

If your spouse isn't your best pal and top confidant you are in trouble.
Lots of people want to be friendly to the cop and his fam. Doesn't mean they actually are friendlies. Be nice, but be aware of that fact.
One of the best questions to use when a lesser known "friend" calls for the LEO goes like this: Is this a personal matter or something pertaining to the police dept? If they stutter, assume the latter.Don't be afraid to take and answer the question (since you or anyone with a shred of common sense would know that answer) or give out the cop shop number (the one in the phone book!).
Caller ID is your friend. So are windows where you can see who is knocking but they can't see you.
Fences are your friend.
If your kids learn to NOT mention what your LEO does to every person that they meet. it might benefit them over the years.
Police work and local politics are like oil and vinegar. Mixing those two realms can be interesting but will leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
Civilian friends are good, but choose wisely. And don't be afraid to unchoose.
Be his cover. I can't count the times I've seen "the face" when someone is going to a conversational place he doesn't want to, or can't go to (police wise) and I've done something to distract them and move them off topic.
If your LEO makes a friend, try really hard to make the friend too. And ask him to do the same. Just, I repeat, CHOOSE WISELY.
Going to a location outside your LEO's jurisdiction (but still close to home) tends to make for the best events: Little chance of "work" interfering, but not to far to distract your LEO either.
Communication is key. If you or your LEO has a problem with a person, place or activity, talk to each other, work it out and make a united front one way or the other.
Let me emphasize this: UNITED FRONT. At the end of the day know where your loyalties must be.
Be okay with doing all the social stuff without your LEO and don't waste the time guilt tripping. Especially when he is new on the job and asking for a lot of time off actually could hurt his career. From where I stand, the reward will be worth it.
Let him sleep.
He needs to let you sleep too on occasion and know that it will even out one day (another time proven truth for me).
Yes, those last two relate to social life. No sleepy makes cranky humans and cranky humans suck at a get together.
Last minute outings either rock or go down in flames.
Let him take the gun if he wants to. And defend the crap outta him if anyone gives him guff.
YOU are his buffer in the civilian world. Protect him. Play the bouncer. Play the heavy. Keep him home if he needs it, take him out if he needs it. Prove to him that you will look out for his best interests and he'll appreciate the backup.

Okay, that is what I have thought of so far.
Give me what you've got!

FH's Uncle

2009-10-28T18:03:00.000-07:00

FH's uncle is even more awesome than I realized. One of the reasons FH went into law enforcement was because of the influence from his mom's younger brother as an officer for 20+ years (whom I had never even met until FH's POST graduation).

FH's aunt called him this evening stating that his Uncle Kenny had just been interviewed by FOX News as well as by Judith Miller for City Journal. Whoa, WHAT?! Who gets interviewed by Pulitzer-Prize winners and national news stations? Not anyone that we know...until now.

After dealing with years of an internal investigation involving corrupt cops, DTOs and burned out cars, FH's uncle is finally able to share some experiences from the events.

You can read the whole article by Judith Miller here, while I want to share a few choice snippets from his uncle on the whole affair:

http://www.city-journal.org/2009/19_4_corruption.html

When I read the following paragraph to FH, it hit a little close to home because of the threats they (the corrupt cops) made toward an LEO wife and family:

....Christesen suspected that Tarango had turned other law enforcement officers and local and state officials, and he hoped that the FBI’s investigation would uncover them. But the FBI had to cut short its investigation and move against the three men in December 2007, after agents overheard Tarango and Countryman discussing ways to intimidate and possibly harm a deputy sheriff. Among the tactics they discussed were following the deputy’s wife around town, taking photos of her and her children, leaving a photo of her on her car, throwing hypodermic needles on her lawn, delivering a box filled with dying rats to the family’s home, and leaving a pig’s head on the front porch. They agreed that this might send her a message that “her husband needs to back off,” a court document states, quoting part of an intercepted conversation between Tarango and Countryman. Further, the FBI overheard Tarango telling Countryman that he had watched the family’s home at various hours, and Countryman telling Tarango that this deputy’s “ass needed to be whacked.”

....Christesen, who is now running for sheriff in San Juan County, still fears that Danny Tarango’s web of corruption may have been far broader than the public has been told. In the wake of the Countryman and Salazar arrests, the New Mexico state police’s narcotics division was quietly disbanded and reorganized. The fact that the state said so little about its actions leads Christesen and others to believe that the conspiracy may have involved other, still-unnamed, corrupt cops, border patrol agents, and public officials.

These last two paragraphs were the most poignant to me on the damages a corrupt few can do for entire departments:

...But “law enforcement and the communities they serve have been irreversibly damaged” merely by the information that Salazar and Countryman gave Tarango and his Mexican associates, Christesen wrote in a statement that he gave to prosecutor Swainston. In his own statement, Swainston asserted that nine separate law enforcement agencies in New Mexico and six in Colorado had been damaged by Salazar’s betrayal. “It is hard to imagine anything more frightening for a law enforcement officer than to find out after the fact that those upon whom you just executed a . . . search warrant knew you were coming because one of your own told them so,” Swainston wrote in an impassioned 47-page sentencing memorandum.

“Cops hate these cases, hate to investigate and prosecute them, because it shows we’re not perfect, that we’re vulnerable to corruption like other human beings,” Christesen says. “A Salazar looks bad for all of us. But how many other counties like ours are there in the Southwest? How can we be sure that our law enforcement system isn’t being Mexicanized? I’m worried that they’ll start with bribes, and end as they have in Mexico, with intimidation and murder.”

Though I've only met FH's uncle a few times, I was in the presence of a great man. I'll always know him as Uncle Kenny even though he introduces himself as Ken and looks like a solidly-built male version of FH's mother. He talks with FH on a regular basis over LEO matters and gives him great pointers from a seasoned officer to a rookie.

After I read the article aloud to FH, he firmly and confidently stated, "One day I will achieve that greatness."

"Yeah, OK. Sounds good, Hon. Can you help me give the kids a bath in the mean time?"

"Oh. Sure."

Vacationing with an LEO--a little help!

2009-10-20T13:59:00.000-07:00

OK, the holidays are fast approaching and visiting with families is a given. However, I need a little help from those that know what I'm concerned about.

See, depending on if FH gets his vacation time approved, we may travel to another state to see my extended family for Thanksgiving, and I want it to be worthwhile. I'm a little turned-off from taking vacations anymore with FH because of the trials and errors (more trials from the errors) of a family reunion we went to this past summer.

We were in unfamiliar territory which set FH's hypervigilent state on red alert. It was the first vacation we had been on in years, as well as the first since he became an LEO.

Any little mess-up or wrong turn resulted in a lot of yelling and bickering. Struggles for control of an uncontrollable situation predominated the trip. I wish I could say the kids didn't see any of it, but we don't have a vehicle with a soundproof barrier between the seats, so the kiddies suffered too. It made me want to go on the family vacation without him!

In fact, it feels completely hypocritical to admit that because a family reunion involved...well, family. Holiday visits with family involve...family. Who should be the most important part of my family? My husband and children. Seems like there should be a connection somewhere, right?

Have you noticed that sometimes it's just easier mentally to NOT bring your LEO? I know that sounds petty and small, but that's kind of how I'm viewing this upcoming vacation. Even if FH doesn't get the time off, I'm still extremely tempted to go without him, but that would mean leaving him alone on Thanksgiving.

Well, almost. His mother and siblings are nearby, and they're always "taking care" of him, so he won't be alone. He also has a bunch of nerdy friends that do a lot of RPG and computer games (yes, I married a closet nerd. He looks so "normal" on the outside!)

I've realized that we need to figure out how to do vacations again now that he's an LEO because it's not fair to anyone in the family to just leave him home every time (as tempting as it may be), but I need some help.

What can we do to make the vacation memorable (but in a positive way because the summer reunion was definitely memorable!) so that my LEO and I enjoy the holidays? What have you noticed helped you?

Besides, would if the fam decides to bake their turkey in a bikini and we miss out on it? I'd never forgive myself.

Wow....some people!

2009-10-19T21:47:00.001-07:00

http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/police-women-take-down-of-the-week-mother-calm-down.html
Here is a little clip from "Police Women of Broward County". I absolutely love this show! Thanks to Kimber for getting me hooked on it. I watched this episode tonight and could not belive this woman's reaction! I was so mad at her that I started to yell at her through my computer! (I watched it online). She is ridiculous! Just watch!

Just a little fun!

2009-10-16T22:05:00.001-07:00

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/todNrz5tq4BrZ2Y1
Here are some of the local officers in our area! So so so funny! Watch it! Thanks to my hubby for doing it!

I wish you could.......

2009-10-08T20:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know who wrote this, but everytime I read it I want to hold Fish and never let him go. I want to comfort him and tell him I'm sorry if I don't understand what he goes through. I admire him for the daily crap that comes with the job. I love him and can't live without him. Read this and go love on your hubby! (Or wife, whatever the case may be!)

I wish you could...

I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 6 in the morning as I Check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late. But wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to try and save his life.

I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of soot-filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear, the sound of flames crackling, the eeriness of being able to see absolutely nothing in dense smoke-sensations that I've become too familiar with.

I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a call, Is this a false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed? What Hazards await me? Is anyone trapped?' Or to call and ask what is wrong with the patient? Is it minor or life threatening? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2x4 or a gun?

I wish you could be in the emergency room, as a doctor pronounces dead, the beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save during the past 25 minutes, knowing she will never go on her first date or say the words, 'I love you Mommy', ever again.

I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the ambulance or engine or cruiser, the driver with his foot pressing down hard on the pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the air horn chain, as you fail to yield the right-of-way at an intersection or in traffic. When you need us however, your first comment upon our arrival will be, 'It took you forever to get here!'

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of teenage years from the remains of her automobile. What if this was my daughter, sister, my girlfriend or a friend? What were her parent's reaction going to be when they opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?

I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I nearly did not come back from the last call.

I wish you could know how it feels dispatching officers, firefighters and EMS out and when we call for them and our heart drops because no one answers back or to here a bone chilling 911 call of a child or wife needing assistance.

I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally and sometimes physically abuse us or belittle what I do, or as they express their attitudes of 'It will never happen to me'.

I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain of missed meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities, in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of helping save a life or preserving someone's property, or being able to be there in time of crisis, or creating order from total chaos.

I wish you could understand how I feel finding someone's Grand Parent or small child deep in the dark forest alone, cold and wet and giving them back to their family safe and sound.

I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking, 'Is my Mommy okay?'! , not even being able to look in his eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to say. Or to have to hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy having CPR done on him as they take him away in the Medic Unit. You know all along he did not have his seat belt on. A sensation that I have become too familiar with.

Unless you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly understand or appreciate who I am, we are, or what our job really means to us.

....I wish you could though.

Some Honest Thoughts

2009-10-05T14:33:00.000-07:00

Note: I had a different title for this post, but I felt the new title is more fitting for my random thoughts.

My fellow chica in arms Momma Val graciously gave me this award with some other outstanding cop wives. I don't know if it was because I admitted to being a hypocrite or laughed at my husband getting tazed, but I accept it as an honor and will probably be gloating about it for a few days.

"Who am I? Oh, just the honest cop wife," with a cheesy grin and corny finger snap in the person's direction.

Or not. See, it's motivated me to continue being honest in the blogging world. A lot of times, I'll share a post AFTER I've figured out what I did wrong so I look like I'm in a better light than being ignorant on a situation. I HATE not knowing it all, and the more I know...yeah, you can guess the verdict.

The only thing I knew about the LEO world (didn't even know what that acronym stood for until a few weeks into FH's career) was that police were out to get us on silly things like not making a complete stop at a stop sign or filling a quota. Therefore, I didn't really know what I was committing to when I decided to support FH on his career choice of joining the local PD.

Oh, and police aren't JUST out to get up on the incomplete stops. Sometimes they still need to fill the quota so they'll pull over someone for out-of-date registration or out headlights and discover narcotics or DUI individuals. Crazy!

I grew up in the town that FH serves and protects, and it was only a few years ago that I realized that we had drug problems and sex offenders. Yes, I lived a sheltered life. I was a bookworm that no one bothered in corrupting because I'm sure I'd sooner nark on them than partake.

I now realize that while in my youth I was sheltered because the local police officers were keeping me safe by handling the sludge of humanity to make it better for families in the community. Sometimes it's still easier to not know all the gritty details of FH's day because it doesn't bring the filth that I wasn't aware existed home.

Don't think that we always have an idyllic home setting, though. Because the sludge info isn't shared, this also leads to a lack of communication between us as husband and wife because there's no simple (and fully honest) answer to the question, "Hi, Honey! How was your day?"

Just recently I was brutally honest with FH about his attitude and anger that he's been inflicting on us, and I said some things that had no sugary candy coating at all. A better cliche would be that they were salt on an open wound because they were so nakedly true. Should I have said them? Maybe. Should I have been a little more tactful? Definitely.

He's been really trying this set of days off to be a better figure in the home, and I can tell that it's been hard for him because of the honesty behind those angry words. He catches himself when he starts to revert back and tries a calmer approach by realizing that he can't take the words back, which helps him to watch what he says.

My honesty also helped him feel free to share his frustration of my know-it-all attitude on LEO books and blogs I've been reading up on to better understand a world I didn't know anything about a few years ago. I HATE not being in the know! What I initially thought was supportive and helpful when sharing points I got from the aforementioned, he thought I was questioning his knowledge on the subject and pointing out his failings. I had no clue I was doing that!

One thing that first attracted me to FH (besides his full lips...but I digress) was the awesome and intelligent conversations we would have. Yeah, I know. WAY nerdy, but I feel it was well balanced with his awesome kissing abilities. We both love world history from the Bronze Age to the Renaissance, AND he loves reading, so I thought it was a perfect match.

Before FH joined the ranks of boys in blue, he was a history major in college. I already received my teaching degree in that subject as well as English, so sometimes I would call him on his inaccurate dates or cultural insights when he'd talk about an event in history with someone (you know, when I write it out, that really is an annoying thing to do, and I do it ALL the time! Hmm...).

I just wanted things to be accurate. Blame it on the hundreds of history hours amongst fellow majors that were all right on the subject being "discussed." I won't even start on what happens when English majors get together....especially if the topic at hand is grammar. Blech!

Well, I guess that ultimately what this honesty award has brought out in me is the acknowledgment that I'm a know-it-all, and never intended to hurt feelings when I "share" my insight. Be that as it may, know-it-alls are annoying! I haven't really encountered very many amongst LEO wives because the majority that I follow and read are insightful. To me, know-it-alls aren't very aware of their audience; they just like hearing the sound of their own voice (whether literally or through writing). My cop wife friends in the blogging world are VERY aware of their audience, though that doesn't stop the occasional mutating troll in blogland (check out Meadowlark's "No Trolls Allowed" sticker on her site. AWESOME!)

As copswife stated when she received the same honesty award,

"Another category of commenter that gets under my skin is the know-it-all.
It really irritates me when people think they are the end-all and be-all of
wisdom. Maybe it's because I have an all together too high opinion of my own
smarts, but who can say."

I may be annoying at times when I share insights or tactlessly point out incorrect information, but I don't know everything. Yeah, it's tough to admit. It doesn't matter how hard I try to prove that fact wrong by gaining expertise through reading materials, it's true.

Thanks for the honesty, copswife (and no, I didn't think you were directing that statement just towards me, I'm simply agreeing with you). Thanks for the award, Momma Val. Now, to read up some more on the LEO world! This time, not so I can be a know-it-all, but a little wiser with my knowledge.

What we Talk about at Cop Wives Night

2009-09-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

Obviously, our husbands, and it's been great to have a positive support group that can all relate to each other. It's especially fun to hear certain stories from the other LEO wife's point of view when our hubbies work together.

The icing on the cake for the evening was definitely in the tazer videos we watched.

8-6-08 Taser from NTSMadDog on Vimeo.

We watched my hubby get tazed alongside a few others (he looks like such a dork and he was SO proud of the drops of blood on his shirt from the tazer prongs. He wouldn't let me wash the shirt for a month!)

Then we watched the other cop wives hubbies:

Just the Pain from NTSMadDog on Vimeo.

I tell you what, even if you don't know the blokes, this is FUNNY!

Now, I've never been tazered before and don't have it on my list of sadistic things to do before I die, so I can't comprehend the pain that is involved. That said, it is hilarious to watch as a pain-free bystander grown, gruff men flail around like fishies out of water or wail like little school girls.

Ah, the joys of living in an LEO world!

This is why I love my police family

2009-09-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

Read this story on my person blog HERE.

I love all these wonderful people in my children's lives who can take time out for this.

Keeping dinner warm

2009-09-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

Ah, I like happy police family moments.

Big Daddy had to leave early today to go to the shooting range. No biggie, pretty typical. I picked up daughter from ballet, made a lazy mama dinner (shells and cheese with some salsa mixed in... quite good to be honest... and hominy on the side), taught a piano lesson while the kids played outside with the kittens BD got us (don't ask). Then I worked out (I am in love with Shredding!), put 2 out of three kids to bed. Tossed the baby into a hot bubble bath with me, got him to sleep and in his crib as opposed to my bed (miracles happen, lol). Then I got to play online.

Why do I tell you all that? Because tonight as I was perusing facebook and some friends blogs, some were talking about having to do all those things on their own here and there and were talking about how hard it is and all that and I surprised myself by realizing that I'm so used to it that it seems odd to NOT do all that on my own!

And, that I'm cool with it and even enjoy it to a degree!

I like being the boss of when bedtime is, how kids get put down, what I cook for dinner and when, how I run the house. I love BD and am so happy when he is home, but I really do enjoy having my space to do my thing with the house. As long as the man is fed, has clean clothes and the occasional snuggle, he pretty much leaves me to run the show. For a short bossy woman, this is pretty ideal.

He got back from the range an hour ago. I had a plate waiting for him. I got to sit and chat with him about how great he shot out at the range. Then he had to get cleaned up and off to patrol for the rest of the night. But, it was nice to chat for a few, get him fed and see him off.

Just as he walked out the door, the baby woke up.

Just a typical night around here... and I think it is pretty great.

Hero worship

2009-09-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

On a happier note, I have to share what happened yesterday.

This gal from the hood here came by with her son. I think he is about 10 and he has some form of autism I believe along with a few other disabilities. He is a cute kid and she is my kind of mama... blunt and out there and down to earth. Love it.

Anyhow, her boy loves cops. I mean LOVES them. So, BD showed up while there were here and he followed him around the entire time and it was so stinkin' adorable.

It makes me feel good to see BD take so well to a kid who obviously thinks he is a rock star and it tickles me that there are people out there who let their kids love cops they way they should.

That was a favorite moment for me.

A political debate laced with some "mama on the edge" rage

2009-09-12T21:42:00.000-07:00

So, a friend of ours is on city council and is running for reelection. He put a sign in our yard which was gravy with me.

BD and I spent the day mad at each other because he says it is against policy and we have to take the sign down.

It prolly would have ended there if he hadn't yelled it at me, which never sits well with me.

So, I've dug in my heels and demanded to see the policy.
Or
I say everyone can deal it is my house too and I have a right to post a sign on my lawn.

I admit I am being stubborn, but I am really having a rough time with being censored so much by a job that isn't mine!

I will add that I am extra pissy because BD didn't mention to me that he was working tonight until, um, late last night and I missed a girls weekend (that I was going to come up to today for an hour or so), a hair appointment AND my police wives get together that were all scheduled back to back today because this was the only day open for me to have a little down time. And of course I asked for a double checking of the schedule so I wouldn't have this happen (it has happened before to me) and was told to quit being a nag... this is not my favorite day.

I love the guy so much, but the job is infuriating me!
So, do I not have the right to post signs?
Does his job have the right to control such things?
And can someone give the man a calender so I can get a friggin' haircut?

Rant over. For now...

A few police articles I found from a religious perspective

2009-09-06T09:22:00.000-07:00

I was searching articles about my faith and police work today. It has been a week and I found this article.
Now I realize that not everyone reading this blog is the same religion as me and I completely respect that. But I thought some of the sentiments from this article would benefit any leo or leo family.

Here is the link.

And here is the article if you don't want to click over.

William A. Meeks, “Officer of the Peace,” Ensign, Feb 1994, 32

I heard the call over the police car radio and rushed to the scene. A vehicle had left the roadway and rolled several times, the dispassionate voice reported. A passenger had been ejected, and the car had rolled over the top of him.

When I arrived at the accident site, I held a dying sixteen-year-old in my arms as he struggled for his last breaths. It was a moment I’ll never forget, a moment of trauma and sorrow. I later found out that the young man, a Latter-day Saint, had refused to drink with his friends. The accident occurred on his way home. I have spent a lot of time thinking about that accident—the first I ever responded to as a police officer.

Many Latter-day Saints hope to make their mark in an occupation that daily draws upon their character and spirituality. I am one of them. I have been a police officer for fourteen years and have served in narcotics, vice, child abuse, traffic, community relations, and patrol divisions. I have found myself in some unimaginable situations. I have held the dying, cried with the abused, visited broken homes, and watched the destruction caused by drugs and alcohol. I have even been a victim of violence myself.

I deal daily with greed, envy, hatred, racial prejudice, profanity, lust, and all manner of emotions that spawn unmentionable tales of human tragedy. The environment I operate in is one of suspicion, defensiveness, accusation, and pessimism. It is not difficult to see the effects of these powerful forces on the lives of those who work all around me.

During his earthly ministry, the Savior counseled his disciples that they would “have tribulation” in the world. (John 16:33.) Instead of warning them to avoid the wickedness of the world, Jesus directed his beloved followers to function in the world, but to be “not of the world.” (John 17:14.)

Knowing full well that there were many difficulties ahead, Jesus sent his disciples into a world rife with all manner of iniquity. He told them to pray for those who hated them, to give their coat to those who sued them, to go the extra mile with one who used them, to turn the unstruck cheek to one who struck them. Further, he asked them to confront devils, cast out demons, visit the leper, heal the maimed, put away prejudice, comfort the dying, and, indeed, follow in his example of love and service.

I have often wondered about some of the thoughts of the early Apostles as they received these instructions. Knowing how wicked the world was, they were still able to put aside their fears and serve their fellowman as the storms of the wicked raged against them. Their “occupation” was to be completely submissive to the will and the work of their Father in Heaven and to help “bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” (Moses 1:39.)

I take great comfort and counsel by studying the examples of these devoted disciples and by comparing my situation to theirs.

Many others have noted that the environment of law enforcement can challenge spiritual growth. When I have occasion to speak to Latter-day Saints about these things, I am always asked: How do you deal with it?

Admittedly, I have sometimes asked myself the same question. I always come back to the positive aspects of what I do and to the perspective I gain from the experiences I have. This perspective did not come easily. The real test—and growth—come for me as I am able to discern when I’m in one of the low valleys and to use specific methods to recover spiritually from what could be destructive to my soul. I feel there are six key principles that have helped me deal with my spiritual challenges.

Perspective

I was shaken by that experience of my first call to assist at the site of an automobile accident. Shortly thereafter, I was called to the scene of a second car accident. A baby-sitter had lost control of her truck, overcorrected, and rolled the vehicle. Normally this would not be too serious, but riding in the back of the truck were three small children, each one from a different family. Two were killed instantly, and the third would never be able to have a normal life. One of the victims was a two-year-old boy just slightly older than my young son.

After we had completed our necessary responsibilities, I drove home with tears in my eyes, rushed to my son, and held him closely as I thought of another Father in the eternities holding the small accident victim I had just seen.

Perspective regarding why we are here, where we came from, and where we may go after this life is crucial in my ability to deal with the world around me. I view the world as a constant struggle waged by the adversary against righteousness as he fights to “destroy the agency of man.” (Moses 4:3.)

One of the occasions used by the adversary to destroy agency is tragedy. I have observed countless tragic incidents that have drastically altered the lives of those involved. I see people without a firm grasp on the perspective of eternal families and the plan that makes this possible; these people struggle and falter, grasping for an explanation of the difficult question, “Why?” Seeing this in the lives of others allows me the third-person perspective necessary to hold my family closer together and cleave to the covenants I have made with my Father in Heaven. In doing so, I set as a first priority the spiritual life of my family and myself.

Obtain Spiritual Nourishment

Having a career in this environment allows me to see the effects of the world on those who are without the gospel plan. In the Book of Mormon, Alma attempts to describe to his son Corianton the horrible judgments that await those whom he refers to as people who are in a “carnal state … and in the bonds of iniquity … [and] are without God in the world.” (Alma 41:11.)

Visiting homes torn apart by domestic violence and abuse and seeing the powerful effects of a lifestyle without gospel direction stir me to action to preserve my spirituality by drawing close to the mainstream of gospel activity.

It is very important to me to hold a Church calling. My recent assignment as Gospel Doctrine instructor motivated me to a regular plan of scripture study, which I feel is crucial in my quest for spiritual nourishment. Also, attending my weekly meetings is invaluable as I strive to be a part of the fellowship of the Saints in my ward. Fulfilling my home teaching assignments allows me to serve people in a voluntary way, as opposed to the mandatory nature of my professional service. And temple attendance heals the wounds inflicted upon me by the world in which I work.

All these things are very important underlying principles, but as important as they are, the single most important factor for me in obtaining spiritual nourishment is involvement with my family. Operating as the patriarch of my home, within the guidelines established by the Lord, gives me the conviction that as our Father in Heaven finds great joy in bringing to pass our salvation (see Moses 1:39), likewise my greatest joy lies in working with my wife to teach and assist our children. Regular family home evening, family prayer, family scripture study, and activities with the people I love allow me to recover from seeing the effects of a “world without God.” At its most basic level, a world without God is a world without love.

This world without love manifested itself to me in a stark and dramatic incident one night. While on motorcycle patrol, I happened upon a woman crouched on the edge of a 300-foot-high bridge. She threatened suicide, repeating the simple phrase: “My children don’t love me! My children don’t love me!” After a few minutes of failed negotiating, I watched helplessly as the woman jumped from the safety of the bridge to her death in the dark waters below. Never before had I seen such a tragic and intimate display of the effects of being without love.

Part of being spiritually nourished is being nourished by love within the family. Once nourished by this love, we can begin to operate in the world with spiritual confidence.

Seek Wholesome Associations

My profession is one that consistently appears at the top of lists of careers that put people at risk for divorce, alcoholism, and suicide. Studies have shown that police officers run increased risk of developing digestive-tract cancer and other serious illnesses. (See J. M. Violante et al., “Disease Risk and Mortality among Police Officers,” Journal of Police Science and Administration, Mar. 1986, pp. 17–23.) In examining the situations I have often found myself in, I understand why some police officers often become embittered, depressed, and cynical. Without positive relationships, it is difficult to remove oneself from this destructive cycle.

In an interview with a Church leader, I was counseled to cultivate positive, uplifting associations outside my profession.

“Persons in this kind of occupation make a great mistake if they associate only with professional friends, because then they are always in the environment that reminds them of these kinds of things,” this wise man told me. “Associate with people who remind you that in the world out there, there are people who are not on drugs; there are people who stand for the values not evident in the behavior of some of the people you have to deal with professionally. You need to associate yourself with the majority, the mainstream of reality.”

I have paid special attention to that counsel and have found many friends in my neighborhood, ward, and community. This is not to say that I completely shun friendships with those who work in law enforcement. Some of my dearest friends are my colleagues, people that I rely on and enjoy both during work and off duty.

I have also found it very valuable to associate with others in my profession with whom I have strong ties of common belief. Recently another Latter-day Saint officer in my department was at the scene of a crime and was forced to shoot at a man who pulled a gun on him. When he returned to the station to face the grueling review ordeal, he first sought me out for a priesthood blessing to clear his head and prepare himself. Proper associations on and off the job can be both uplifting and strengthening.

Be a Good Judge without Being Judgmental

I take special precautions and wear special equipment to protect myself from the physical dangers of police work. However, one of the greatest threats I face is much harder to protect myself against. The constant danger I face in my day-to-day work is that of becoming judgmental, which in police work usually involves stereotyping and suspicion. Everyone becomes a “suspect,” and a fatal confrontation may be just around the next corner.

Sometimes viewing only a particular segment of society on a daily basis can blur the reality of the entire community. This destructive process can become a problem for anyone—but it’s all too common in my profession.

The Savior’s counsel to us was to “judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” (John 7:24.) In the Book of Mormon, it is apparent that a form of racial and religious hatred was an underlying motivation for war and persecution. It is a delicate thing to hate the sin but love the sinner, but our proper judgment must be based on actions. We must leave the final judgment of the heart to him who knows every intent and desire of the heart—even Jesus Christ. Also, we must apply stringent judgment to ourselves and not yield to petty prejudice and bigotry when assessing others.

Recently, while attending a police management course in Los Angeles, I experienced a great teaching moment as I relearned this eternal principle. Every day I would drive through south central LA en route to the University of Southern California campus, where the course was taught. This was a few months before the historic 1992 riots that occurred there. I viewed that diverse community from my negative “police perspective” and saw no good.

Near the end of my stay, I attended the Los Angeles Temple and was in a session made up predominantly of minority members. My eyes were opened instantly. In the house of the Lord, there was no inequality, there was no hatred, and there were no prejudices. When the eyes of the world were peeled away, I saw only children of our Heavenly Father and Latter-day Saints who were truly my brothers and sisters. Now I understand how the righteous few can bless an entire community.

Relieve Stress

I am a firm believer in the axiom: My worst day golfing is always better than my best day at work. Golf is just one of the many stress-relieving activities that uplift and relax me—activities that are crucial in my ability to deal with my career. We need to select activities for enjoyment, activities based on our individual talents and interests. Such hobbies and interests are vital to maintaining our mental and physical health.

Besides golf, I find outlets in the activities of my family—riding dirt bikes, fishing, going to movies, working together around the house, spending one-on-one time with my children, going on dates with my wife. These activities, the temporal counterpart to spiritual renewal, provide refreshment and a positive outlook.

The Prophet Joseph Smith was once criticized for his leisure activities and game playing.

“He said it tried some of the pious folks to see him play ball with the boys. He then related a story of a certain prophet who was sitting under the shade of a tree amusing himself in some way, when a hunter came along with his bow and arrow, and reproved him. The prophet asked him if he kept his bow strung up all the time. The hunter answered that he did not. The prophet asked why, and he said it would lose its elasticity if he did. The prophet said it was just so with his mind, he did not want it strung up all the time.” (Juvenile Instructor, Aug. 1892, p. 472.)

Recognize Your Value to Society

When I face the greatest challenge, view the worst tragedy, become the focus of anger, and feel the most rejected, I am drawn to the example of the Savior, who endured and saw far worse than I ever have. I feel certain that when I respond in a positive manner to my challenges, my career can lead me toward spiritual maturity. I know that through performing my responsibilities and acting in a manner that displays true gospel concern while never compromising my sworn duty to enforce laws, I can be of value to my community and to those with whom I associate. A feeling of being valued balances many negative aspects of my profession.

Equally important is valuing those people with whom we work, even if we do not share the same vision or plan of life. In reality, we are all children of Heavenly Father, and we must see each other in this light.

The most intimate account of how the Lord feels about his lost children, or as the scripture refers to them, the “residue of the people,” is found in Moses, chapter 7. Enoch records that the Lord weeps as he looks upon his people.

Enoch asks: “How is it that thou canst weep, seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity?” (Moses 7:29.)

The Lord answers: ”Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency;

“And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood.” (Moses 7:32–33.)

I love to read scriptures that testify that even though the Lord sees the violence and recognizes the great wickedness of his people, he still weeps for them, cares for them, and loves them. I also believe that when he looks down and weeps for his children, he sees us who work with them.

While my job is spiritually, emotionally, and physically challenging, it is not without its many, many rewards. Acts of love and unselfishness pop up in the most unexpected places, from the most unexpected sources. Long ago I concluded that how I respond to the challenges I find within the work of law enforcement may in great measure shape my eternal nature. It’s an exciting and great challenge—to recognize wickedness and violence and still love and serve my fellowman.

[photo] Photo by Craig Dimond

[photos] Inset photography by Craig Dimond and posed by models

[photo] Background photo by Don M. Grayston, Deseret News.

[photo] Background photo by O. Wallace Kasteler, Deseret News

[photo] Background photo courtesy of Deseret News

Notes

William A. Meeks serves as the second counselor in the bishopric of the Gig Harbor Second Ward, Tacoma Washington Stake.

Here is another link

And another article I liked. No matter their faith, I believe all officers are inspired at times while they are saving others.

Richard A. Dove, “‘Turn Here!’,” Ensign, Feb 2001, 35

I wondered if my efforts as a police officer were worth it—until the night I found myself an answer to someone’s prayer.

The roll call was no different from any other I’d experienced in my five years as an officer with the Houston Police Department. Our sergeant, a 20-year police veteran with the scars on his hands to prove it, methodically droned out the roll call, giving us our beats and assignments for the evening.

“Hauck and Dove: 1B23.” My partner Frank’s last name was supposed to be pronounced “How-k,” but the sergeant always pronounced it “Hawk.” That was probably why he had put us together 11 months before—so he could smile every time he thought of a hawk and a dove being in the same car.

After the usual exchange of information, roll call ended. We moved slowly, putting our gear in the patrol car, checking the equipment, and starting up the engine. No one was ever anxious to go out on the street too quickly.

The evening shift began with the usual backlog of calls from day shift. It looked like just another routine day—handling a family disturbance, writing up a few traffic tickets, putting a youth in jail for attacking his teacher, and arresting some teens for drag racing.

“Just two more hours and we can go home,” Frank said, looking at his watch. “Man, will I be glad!”

I didn’t say much in response; my thoughts were more focused on other things. I wondered why I had chosen to be a police officer. The Church emphasizes the value of a positive environment and of uplifting thoughts and actions. Out here on the street, everything seemed so negative. The ravages of Satan’s influence were visible at every call, whether the tools of destruction were alcohol, drugs, pride, sexual immorality, greed, or just plain brutality.

Tonight was one of those times when I wondered if the Lord even knew I was here, trying to remain untainted while wading through so much human misery. I wondered if all my efforts against such odds were really worth it. What use could Father in Heaven possibly have of me?

The scratchy voice of the dispatcher crackled over the radio, interrupting my thoughts: “1B23, stolen auto, Northwest Mall in front of Foleys.”

Frank quickly answered, “1B23 received and en route.”

As I turned the patrol car around and headed toward Northwest Mall, the dispatcher came back. “1B23, I now have your call as a kidnapping of a child, code one.”

“1B23 received code one en route at 1923 hours.” Frank shoved the mike into the holder and flipped on the red lights and siren. Luckily there wasn’t much traffic as we sped toward our call. We could see the huge outline of the mall in the distance when a fellow officer’s voice squawked on the radio, “1B36, I’ve arrived at the kidnapping call; you can disregard, 1B23.”

“Clear, 1B36, I have you arrived,” said the dispatcher.

“1B23 received.” Frank put the mike back onto the dash. We shut off the red lights and siren and slowed down to normal speed. Frank talked on for a few minutes until 1B36 came back on the air, talking to the dispatcher.

“This is 1B36, are you clear for a GB [general broadcast]?”

“Go ahead, 1B36,” the dispatcher quickly answered.

“About 10 minutes ago the suspect left north on Hempstead in the stolen car—a blue Ford LTD, Texas license NJN 479.”

Frank and I looked at each other with the same thought: We must have passed the suspect. Before we could react, the dispatcher returned to the air: “Attention all units, I have additional information on the kidnapping from Northwest Mall. The suspect just called police and said he abandoned the car with an infant in it in the 12000 block of Hempstead.”

I grabbed the mike this time: “1B23, we’re on top of that location; we’ll check it out.”

Frank said, “I bet he didn’t even notice the kid at first. He must’ve had a heart attack sitting there staring at 20 years in the cage.” Frank and I commented on what must have been a startling discovery for a thief who thought he was stealing just a car.

We arrived at the location to find an intersection with two gas stations and no stolen car. We advised the dispatcher of our arrival and said we could not find the suspect vehicle. We began searching the surrounding area on foot, going up and down the narrow side streets and alleys. Other police units joined in our search, but to no avail.

After about half an hour, we still had found nothing. 1B36 had shown up with the hysterical mother, who ran between houses calling her baby’s name. It was now obvious that the thief either was playing a cruel hoax or had gotten the location wrong.

As we returned to our patrol car, I looked over my shoulder. In the quiet darkness I saw the mother kneeling on the wet ground, pouring her heart out to Heavenly Father, begging for His help in finding her lost child.

Frank noticed her too and said, “I wonder what makes her think God cares what’s happening here.”

I didn’t respond, but a dark thought streaked through my mind: Why would He care about what’s happening right here at this very minute?

I shivered and tried to shake the thought from my head. I muttered, “He must care; He has to care.”

“What did you say?” Frank asked.

“Nothing, just talking to myself,” I replied. Blushing, I turned to get back into the patrol car. While on duty, I didn’t feel it was appropriate to bring up personal things such as religious beliefs unless I was asked to.

Riding along, we didn’t say anything for the first few minutes. My mind raced with the silent thought: Thank goodness it wasn’t my son. We drove for about 10 minutes without saying a word; even the radio was quiet.

Then suddenly the words Turn here! burst into my mind. I quickly obeyed and turned onto the only street I could.

“What’s up?” asked Frank.

I stared down the street, pointed, and said with confidence, “The child is down this street!”

Frank didn’t question me. “Let’s take a look.”

We started slowly looking with spotlights in every driveway and between every house. Then came the calm but urgent impression that I must hurry.

I stepped on the gas pedal, causing the car to lurch forward. “What are you doing?” Frank exclaimed. “Did you see something?”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. As the police car picked up speed, I knew we were getting closer to the child. Then another distinct impression came that the child was nearby. I immediately turned onto a driveway leading between two warehouses and we began to spin slightly. As I regained control of the police car, I turned into a parking lot enclosed on all sides by warehouses.

We both saw the car at the same time.

“There it is!” we shouted. Before our car had even stopped moving, I shifted it into park and leaped out, Frank right behind me.

The baby lay motionless in a car seat in the back. He was a sickly blue color. The car had been left running, and the exhaust fumes hung heavily around the car. We both knew he was being suffocated by the fumes.

The thief had locked all the doors, so Frank ran back to the patrol car and told the dispatcher what we had discovered. The dispatcher answered that an ambulance and wrecker were en route. But there was no time to wait.

I wedged my fingers between the top of one of the glass windows and the door frame and, saying a prayer, yanked on the glass as hard as I could. The glass shattered. Quickly unlocking and opening the door, I snatched the baby from the backseat. I was already beginning to feel dizzy from the fumes as I held the child up toward the light. I could see he was barely breathing. Then, with a gasp, the baby sucked in fresh air, and his color began to change to a rosy pink.

Frank and I stood there looking at the crying infant for a moment—just glad he was alive.

The sound of the approaching ambulance siren was reassuring. Soon a team of emergency medical technicians was examining the baby. Another police car came screeching up with the mother in the backseat. She raced from the car to the ambulance and wept with joy upon seeing her baby alive.

I looked back at the stolen vehicle that had almost become a tomb and was surprised when my flashlight reflected off a bumper sticker that read, “Happiness is family home evening.”

I imagined the boy taking his first steps, riding his first bicycle, attending seminary, graduating from high school, serving a mission—and I imagined the mother whispering a prayer for two policemen who, on a cold, rainy night in November, snatched her boy from certain death.

Frank looked at me and asked, “How did you know the baby was here? I couldn’t even tell there was a parking lot behind this building.” I didn’t answer Frank then, but his persistent questions would later lead to discussions on many spiritual things.

As we headed back to the station to end the night, my thoughts turned to the words that had so clearly guided me to the lost infant. I then began to truly feel that Heavenly Father cares deeply about what happens to each of us. And I realized that Heavenly Father is aware of me and my efforts in my work. It was a lesson I will never forget.

[illustrations] Illustrated by Gerald Rogers

Notes

Richard A. Dove is a member of the Spring Ward, Houston Texas North Stake.

Feeling the Hypocrite

2009-08-30T12:46:00.000-07:00

I've never been one that automatically took to females being police officers. LE work is an extremely masculine career, so I automatically felt that only males made truly fit officers. I was proved wrong, but let me explain my old mentality before I admit that I'm a hypocrite.

Whenever I would watch police shows like COPS or Speeders with FH, the officers that stuck out like a sore thumb were usually the females as their protocol seemed more wishy-washy and foofy.

The belief that only males make fully capable officers was further instilled when I saw the hires right after FH as we gained a police dog (male), a male officer and a female officer. She proved to be unfit and was let go over a month ago quietly after repeated red flags, internal frustrations within the department, etc...

During the majority of this crap I was reading the mind-boggling and quite humorous antics of Mrs. Fuzz's "Calamity Jane," which proved yet again my theory of males in the work force. I read multiple comments about how some fellow LEO wives were so frustrated about the stories because some of the best cops they knew were females, but I just let those skim over my head since I had not seen anything like that myself, so therefore it must not exist.

Here's where I become a hypocrite. I live in a very traditional farming community that still has very traditional values. I grew up learning that women were meant to keep house while men were the providers, hence, anytime there's cooking to be done, tables to be set, etc... the female should do it.

Well, if there's a house full of females, I guess that works, especially according to my father. He has four living sisters, and is one of the babies of the family, so he was (and still is) doted on by his mother and sisters. Why would he want it changed?

I was labeled a feminist by my father in my early teens because I didn't dote and clean as a female properly should. I was "forward thinking" that males and females should have equal opportunities not only in the work place but in the home. I asked why the boys couldn't help out around the house, and was told to stop being a feminist.

Even now, when we go to visit, the boys are never in the kitchen unless it's to ask when dinner is going to be done or swipe some food. I ask them to help out (they're now all adults) and they go back to their games, napping, or shooting the breeze with Dad. I'm still considered a feminist.

Now, those that know me well know how stuffy I truly am in such a liberal society. I'm still very traditional, but I'm not a free maid service. I love to cook, but I'm not a short-order cook. I love having a clean house, but I don't like cleaning up after others, ESPECIALLY when it's not my house and they're fully capable.

In short, I agree that there are masculine roles and feminine roles in society, and certain jobs naturally fit in a masculine way and others in a feminine way. I'm a girly-girl, but I hated being labeled as "just a girl." My mother taught me to be a lady, but what exactly is the definition of one?

I get more kicks out of sporting cute shoes and accessories than shooting a gun or seeing something blow up. That's just who I am. Do all females think that? Uhhh....we all know the answer to THAT one! Does that mean that females that aren't into ribbons and lace aren't ladies as well?

I'm a hypocrite because I fell victim to this mentality of set masculine and feminine roles within the police force. It's natural to hear female voices on dispatch and see males round up the bad guys. After seeing a few unfit officers who also happened to be female fall short in their role, I labeled ALL female officers as unfit for police work.

Until I watched TLC's Police Women of Broward County.

Kimber mentioned how much she liked the show (she's always rooted for females as LEOs) so I thought I'd watch a bit to see what she was so excited about. I was made the hypocrite as I watched multiple females in multiple LEO roles handle their jobs in as professional manner as any male, sometimes besting all those around them.

Detective Andrea Penoyer

What surprised me the most was how much I could relate to the officers being documented. FH has tried to explain in the past about how obvious it is when someone's lying, dealing with crap while remaining calm, etc... but it wasn't until I watched this show with females that it all clicked into place. I never thought I would relate to an LEO except as a supportive housewife cooking a casserole while my man in blue comes home after fighting bad guys. By trying to fit what I thought an LEO wife was suppose to be, I became a superficial version of the 50's housewife and thought I would be happy.

I'm embarrassed that it took a TV show to let me know I'm wrong. There are still mediocre officers, just like every career, but they are most definitely not all females. There are amazing officers, both male AND female, that are keeping us safe and protected. I wonder what else I've been wrong about now?

A thank you goes a long way in a small town

2009-08-28T09:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get so caught up in the negatives to being a police family in a small town that I forget the great parts too.

Like this:

Someone just came over to our house this morning (remember, small town, police car parked out front... everyone knows where we live) and brought Big Daddy flowers and a note. Apparently he helped her teen son get into his car late at night the other day while he was on duty and she wanted to make sure he knew she appreciated it. So she and her son both wrote BD a note telling him they appreciated it.

That makes me so happy for him.

I am so grateful to her for taking the time to thank BD. It will make his day when he wakes up from night shift!

Too Close to Home

2009-08-20T18:26:00.001-07:00

We were having a snuggly family moment watching a movie on the couch in the front room before putting the kids to bed, when through the shut blinds I noticed some colored lights flicking through.

I got up, peaked out, then stated that someone got pulled over right near our house. No big deal. But suddenly, an unfamiliar, slightly beat-up pickup truck pulled into our driveway with it's lights off and cut the engine. I told FH, he peaked out too then quickly said, "Get out of the way!"

Faster than a prom date's dress coming off (FH's expression, which I HATE but actually fits in this scenario), he grabbed some clothes, had his gun in his pocket, then ran out the door.

So....what should I do? I ultimately pulled the rest of the blinds, locked the door, turned on the porch light than distracted the kiddies. After a few minutes I peaked out again since the lights were still flashing. No shots fired or raised voices, but also no FH to tell me that all was well.

I waited some more, getting more worried until I peaked out again and noticed a few familiar LEO faces around the patrol vehicle casually talking. Does that mean that the coast is clear? Call me stupid, but I had no clue what to do because hubs has never gone over family protocol with me.

I guess I should take it as a compliment that he thinks I'm intelligent enough to figure it out for myself, but it wasn't until FH came back in after nearly 1/2 an hour of shooting the breeze with his fellow brethren.

I asked what happened and he just said it was a potential DUI that an off-duty deputy noticed while driving his truck he'd been working on around and called it in to the PD.

The deputy pulled into our house so he could see if the officer needed any assistance, but didn't want to startle him, so turned off his headlights, then pulled his cell phone out to text the officer he was walking over. All FH saw was some person in the dark reach into his pocket while approaching an officer from behind. We have a reserve officer that lives right next to us, so she hurried out too, they realized it was all good, then chatted about this and that for a bit longer, the city officer forgetting to cut his lights while caught in conversation.

I'm the first to admit that though I'm married to an officer, I really don't know much about his scenario training and protocols. I'm a bookworm nerd that loved reading about history so much I became a teacher in it, so LEO doesn't come naturally too me. Because of that, even if I'm doing "proper protocol" by staying indoors, I was constantly questioning myself and couldn't get Hollywood's version of police work out of my head, as much as I knew it wasn't reality.

I asked him to let me know ASAP when the situation isn't a threat. He didn't even think about the family aspect of protocol. We then proceeded to put the kids to bed, and as we were getting ready ourselves, I repeated my plea that he let me know next time....to which he got angry, stating that I was being a nag.

I'll spare the details, but after a clash of wills, the Grand Canyon could have been comfortably placed between us when we went to bed. The new morning brought cooled down tempers, but I want to know what went wrong when all I was doing was trying to let him know I care about his safety and want to know he's safe, while he thought I was being a harpy.

What's your family protocol? When do you know the coast is clear or to let things stew a bit longer?

Can I be a cop wife and a thief?

2009-08-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

In the blogging world, yes!
I'm taking this from Nat, who stole from Cop's wife, who stole from Mrs. Fuzz. (Hope I got that right.)

Since January 21, 2004 When Big Daddy became a police officer, my life has changed in the following ways:

I no longer have to argue with Big Daddy over moving to BFE (Big Fields Everywhere) one day... he's more eager than I am.
I've learned to do everything from parenting to fixing appliances without a husband. But sometimes I call on some of his brothers to help me when I can't lift it, lol!
I've gained a family (and so had BD) that understands our lives better than the families that raised us.
I've learned that just because you go to church doesn't mean you aren't a crook (or perv or wife beater or general jerkwad...)
I don't flinch when BD tells me he pointed a gun at someone and sometimes I even drift off because I've heard a similar story before.
I've learned that the "No booty on duty" rule doesn't apply to lunch breaks... and you occasionally get a second child out of that (this moment was brought to you by the letters T M I)
I've learned to embrace my parenting style because, while it is off the beaten path, my kids are well behaved and cps only comes to my house when they want a snack.

Let me take this further.

Since January 21, 2004, Big Daddy's life has changed:

He has stopped smiling for id pictures. So they can id him more easily if he is killed (because corpses rarely smile).
He can talk about 2 week old dead naked people and eat a tuna sandwich.
He has found a whole new way to use his favorite swear words (and it actually does entertain me a ton... as long as the kids don't hear him).
He still sees the good in individuals, but in general he doesn't trust people.
He has learned that while his big scary cop voice can stop a 7 foot perp, it doesn't even phase a 2 year old.

Finally:

Since January 21, 2004, my childrens lives have changed:

They can't go to people's houses if Daddy has been there "on business".
They know what a domestic is and have since they were about 3.
They call each other "perps" and "dirtbags" way more than they should.
They know all the speed limits in town.
They know the difference between a misdemeanor and a felony.
They know how to help a cop put on a duty belt and a bulletproof vest.
They know how to quickly reevaluate a plan for only a mommy and they don't take it personally when daddy can't come.
They aquired a whole set of uncles, aunts and cousins that they know better than the ones they are biologically related too.

So, I dare all of you to add onto your lists!
Take that!

Well, I CAN'T turn down a dare!

2009-08-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks to copswife, I have answered the dare wholeheartedly and am continuing the thoughts from LEO wives on how FH's career choice has changed my life. Mrs. Fuzz put together a list first, so make sure you check both of them out!

Whew, where to start?! Well, in 2007 FH started to reserve for the city PD after informing me that the class gave him college credit. He was a full-time student struggling with making end's meet, working full-time, and trying to provide for a small family, so I was a bit worried that this additional class would send him over the edge.

Which it did, but into the realm of police work. As soon as he'd come home, he'd practice take-down techniques on me or my brothers (they handled it a lot better than I did) and struggled over the inhumanity of rape victims and ugliness in the world. I could see a small change in him then, but it didn't really affect the rest of us.

Then, he heard about an opening position, asked me what I thought about it, and I simply said, "I've never seen you so happy to go off to a job when I see you put on your reserve uniform."

So, he put in his application and during all the background checks, testing, PT and whatever else they needed from him, we found out we were expecting our second child, found a starter home, and moved in right before a big Christmas trip with extended family to a mountain lodge preparing for POST at the beginning of the new year.

Yeah, rapid changes started happening then:

I realized that at times, I become a single parent.

Swerving vehicles have multiple probabilities as to why they're driving recklessly (stupid females on cell phones...)

I've gained new "family members" in the form of other LEO families and their wives.

I've never been more excited to spot a police-oriented toy whenever we go down the toy aisles in the store.

I catch myself looking for expired license plates and potential weirdies in public areas, even when FH isn't with me.

I've seen different (perhaps truer) sides of people that I've known all my life once whether they were ticketed or FH was called to a domestic. Made for a few awkward moments in grocery stores and social functions...

I'm not as carefree about letting my kiddies run around when we go to parks anymore.

People stop and stare at FH in public (more often than usual...I married a pretty handsome guy!) wondering why he's wearing a gun.

I get random phonecalls about police issues from near-strangers, friends, and family. I'm a teacher, not a cop!

I could probably go on, but some of the changes are such a natural part of my life now that I don't think I even recognize them as changes anymore. They're just a state of who the family is!

My small town story Part 2!

2009-08-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

Ok so I had my long lost high school somewhat friend incident a few nights ago. Now yesterday we needed to get new tires for our car. So there we are strolling into the tire store, pick out our tires, and say we'll be back later. Then just as we leave out strolls an OLD neighbor..............
An old neighbor that was in high school at the time. He thought it was cool to have his car radio blasting at ALL hours of the day, which was parked right outside our bedroom window. I can understand a teenager wanting to listen to music, I'm cool with that. But one day Fish was on nights and this kid had it blasting. Fish calmly went out and asked him to turn it down. The kid did, for about 10 mins. So Fish had to go out again. This time not so calmly. Needless to say, this happened many times along with other incidents with our lovely old neighbors. So when he walked out of the shop at the tire place, my first thought was, " Really? Does he really have to be the one putting OUR tires on??" I was a little freaking out! He could easily do something to make our tires fall off and we crash and catch on fire and die or something really dramatic like that right????? Well I hope not! Because he did put our tires on. And actually our car drives really nicely! So I am crossing my fingers that this kid grew up and didn't hold a grudge against a cranky, night-shifting cop!

My small town story

2009-08-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

Lately I have realized Kimber and Nat have posted a lot about living in a small community and the percusions of it. I haven't really experienced it much since my hubby, aka Fish, (there Kimber, he has a name! Lol!) works for the county instead of the city. Anyway, I just got a call from an old friend from high school that I haven't talked to for about 8 or 9 yrs. I didn't recognize the number so I screened it, cause I'm the world's best screener! She left a message and this is what she said:

"Hey Lynne, this is ********. I know it's late, but Fish just arrested my dad and I need to talk to him. He called me from my dad's house so I don't have his number to call him back. Could you please call me back and give it to me?"

It's 10:30 at night, which to me is somewhat late! It just bothered me that she did this. I have never given the girl my number! So I'm guessing she had to get if from a mutual friend or get it off facebook. And yes I have deleted it off of there now! But what really irks me is if she did get it from a certain friend of ours, Fish is upset that the friend would give it to her!!!!!! And he wants to call her and chew her out now!! I can understand his side, he's just protecting us and our family. But I don't even know if that is how she actually got my number!

Uhhhh, the joys of LEO families and small communities all combined!

Toooooo funny!

2009-08-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjfO66la7jw

And that is why I refuse to buy deadbolts for my doors

2009-08-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

I thought of this the other day and wanted to blog it for posterity.

Many many moons ago when my middle child was only about 6 months old, Big Daddy was working night shifts.

That wasn't really a big deal, but THIS was: For the first time since my little guy had been born, he was sleeping through the night NOT ON TOP OF ME BUT IN THE BASSINET RIGHT BY ME! We don't typically put the kids in bassinets, so this was a bigger deal because I had the bed entirely to myself and was looking forward to some serious wonderful sleep.

It was about 11pm and I went straight to slumberland.

I wake up at 1 am with BD screaming in my face.

Here is what happened while I was sleeping:

Big Daddy forgot to take his house keys with him. So he came home around 12:30am and knocked on the door, and I didn't answer. According to him (though I never saw the caller id listings to prove it) he called the house several times and knocked on our bedroom window.
I'm not sure I buy it as I have ears like a bat and I don't sleep THAT heavily ever, but I was exhausted from not sleeping for 6 months, so perhaps.

Anyhow, it is winter time and he had just pulled some people out of their home the other day with carbon monoxide poisoning so he is convinced that we are all inside dying or dead. So he radios dispatch that he's going to kick his door in case the neighbors call. (Awesome)

Then he kicks in our door.

Seriously.

Then he busts a move into our room, scares the crap outta me by waking me up with the yelling, gets mad at me for NOT being dead, just being dead tired, grumbles some curse words and leaves.

(Here is a segment of the conversation I remember:
BD: Are you dead?!
Me: Huh?
BD: Are you dead?! Why the Hell aren't you answering the door or the phone?!
Me: Because I was unconcious. And I liked it?
BD: I kicked the door in.
Me: What?!
Then the swearing and grumbling on his half began because he was relieved/mad that I was okay--- does that make sense?--- and prolly because he knew I was going to kill him when I saw the door.
I started swearing shortly after he left and I went to the living room and saw the carnage that once was my door.)

He forgets the keys again.

The baby sleeps through this.

The door is completely broken in the middle of the night in the winter.

I am mega pissed.

I spend the next hour trying to monkey with the door. Then I give up and shove the couch against it so it is at least closed for the night. By the time I am done with that and the adrenaline from being woken up in such an original manner... you guessed it.

The baby wakes up. And stays awake until Big Daddy gets home at 6am. Then my daughter wakes up about 30 minutes after that. Which meant my night was over.

For the record, the baby didn't sleep beautifully like that again until he was 2.

And the door was a nightmare to fix as the deadbolt had just ripped everything apart. Apparently though it was impressive that he kicked it in 2 kicks with the deadbolt in. Whatever.

And THAT is why I refuse to buy deadbolts for my doors at our house here. I want to make it easier and less expensive if BD ever decides to kick one of our doors again. Just trying to think ahead.

treading water in a sea of criminals

2009-08-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

I am trying to learn to cope with living/schooling/shopping/churching among the people BD arrests or investigates on a regular basis.

Case in point: Today I was volunteering at a local school and within 20 minutes of each other I had to assist 3 different individuals that BD had arrested at least once. All 3 knew who I was and it was pretty obvious that all 3 were not fans of me. To be honest I wasn't tickled about helping them either, but whats a gal to do?

Then tonight one of our good friends and neighbors comes over because they are being harassed by their neighbor (our neighbor too of course) because HE did something bad and they are protecting their family by reporting him! They are frustrated and want some ideas for how to cope and honestly, I don't have many because I am struggling with the same thing!

I am worried about my dd going to school with some of these kids. She won't be riding the bus this year and BD and I are both really happy about that, but we still worry about her being bullied because of some of the cases BD has had to work with. We have talked about transferring her out of the district many times, but haven't done it yet and we aren't sure we have made the right choice.

I just sometimes feel surrounded by the people BD is putting in jail (you know, since there is one, no two across the street and one on either side of us. Plus at least 1 on each street surrounding us...)

Anyone deal with this? At all?

Attachment Parenting and Police Work

2009-07-28T12:55:00.002-07:00

So, Big Daddy and I are hippies. We are total cloth diapering, breastfeeding (mostly me on that count), babywearing, cosleeping hippies.

I have noticed that few police families seem to really lean towards he attachment parenting style and it kind of surprises me.

I think what initially drew me to this style of parenting was when we had our second baby and I was thinking about grocery shopping and going to church without BD (because he was always on duty back them... at least it felt that way) and I needed to be able to do it on my own and be self sufficient. I invested in a better baby sling at that time and from there we just evolved into the die hard ap hippies we are now. (As I type this BD is snoring in bed with our 19 month old snuggled into him... our 19 month old who has never spent more than a few hours sleeping anywhere but in our bed since he was born.)

I think what draws BD and myself to the attachment parenting style is his job. Truly. He sees so many kids who are neglected, abused, mishandled and I think he wants to do it different with ours. We both know what a scary world this can be, so I think we want our family to be as tightknit as possible. We don't want our kids to be undisciplined and we are pretty attentive to their behavior (we are not afraid to use Love and Logic on them, lol!). But I see BD when he comes home all exhausted and cranky and it seems like the worse his day is, the more he just comes home, withdraws into our family bubble and just sits with us all together on the couch or the bed snuggling.

BD is a really tough guy, but I notice his soft spot is really his kiddos. Some nights when they're all asleep or cuddled up to him he will just look at me and say, "how anyone can ever hurt a child is beyond my understanding," and I can hear it choke him up a little bit. I love that about him and hate that about his job. I hate that he has to see such a rotten side of the world, but at the same time I am grateful that he uses it to appreciate his little wonkins more.

I'm curious to all of your parenting styles. Do you have a style? Has the JOB changed it at all?

List your blogs please

2009-07-28T12:55:00.001-07:00

I need to fix my blogroll here, lol. Sorry I suck at that. Please comment with your blog address so I can add it.
Thanks

How do they do it!

2009-07-26T20:25:00.000-07:00

Ok ok, so it's time I man up and post!!!! Looks like I'm gonna need a name for my cop hubby for this blog. Nat and Kimber, help me out with this one!

Anyway, so my hubby had an interesting day at work last week. He got a call on a suspicious vehicle and went to check it out. What he found would have haunted me for life!! I'm not real sure how much detail I can give so I better play it safe. Let's just say he smelled like "death" when he came home. I was expecting him to be down and out or a little disturbed..........Nothing. Just another day at work! Normal mood, just had to wash the old uni ALOT! I don't understand how they can just blow it off. But I guess they really don't have a choice! If they don't, their job gets the best of them and they are defeated, which is a man's worst fear I do believe!

People forget that our cops aren't out there just to write citations and catch people breaking the law. They have to deal with violence, death, and even the stupid things like chasing cows!!!!! I strongly believe that it takes a certain person to be a cop and I'm so glad that people, like my hubby, love their job despite these set backs. I love that my hubby is a cop and serves our county. We moved back to Idaho so he could do what he loves again! I'm proud of him and all the other cops in our little LEO family here. They have all been through so much and still stay true to themselves. I seriously don't know how they do it! And I am sure glad someone does! And I'm so proud that I live with one!

"Nobody's above the law"

2009-07-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

This is FH's motto while patrolling, but in our small town, that's a pretty big issue for some. He's pulled over church leaders, city workers, local "celebrities" (aka notable and fairly wealthy individuals) and neighbors. He's also pulled over family members of fellow officers, babysitters, and friends of mine. He would be right there with Hot Fuzz if he ever encountered this while patrolling.

To me, it's all just part of the job. If they were violating the law, they get pulled over and handled accordingly. Jokes go 'round that he cites everyone that he sees just for funsys, but in actuality, he issues far more warnings than citations on any given shift.

So what does this all mean when working the same small town that one lives in? Well, let's just say that we don't just keep our doors locked to keep the kiddies inside (though that's one reason). I've seen a different side of people that I've grown up with and known for years. Most surprising is the attitude change I've seen in people, including local family members.

My own mother thinks FH needs to lighten up and cut people breaks after being embarrassed repeatedly for citations he issued to her neighbors, co-workers or their children. I told her not to be embarrassed because they shouldn't have been breaking the law.

"Oh, brother," she exclaimed, and I think there was some eye rolling in there. "You need to lighten up too!"

She can't stand that he carries his gun even when he's not working and just hanging with the family. We have a family reunion coming up in another state and she's plead with me repeatedly to tell him not to wear his gun while at the reunion, stating, "I mean, how embarrassing is that? Who does he think he is that he needs to wear a GUN around family members?"

For those in the LEO-world, it's a no brainer. There is no sanctuary that "bad guys" cannot enter if they really want to. As his wife, I see it as FH taking his job seriously and wanting to "protect and serve" the community and above all else, his family, as it states on his patrol car.

I've tried explaining this simply to those I've known for so long thinking that LEO101 is all that they're missing and our relationships will resume. However, it falls on deaf ears because they can't understand or relate (even if it's my own mother, whom I've tried to have civilized conversations with multiple times regarding FH and she doesn't want to hear any explanations, which is extremely out of character for my patient, quiet mother).

I've realized that for others (those NOT in the LEO world), his patrol work and packing while off-duty is an aggressive show of power that is overused and overdone.

Can you relate? What have you encountered while being an LEO or spouse of one that surprised you in the community?

Hard to quit when your family supports you

2009-07-12T07:56:00.000-07:00

I really am at the end of my rope this week. This has been the hardest week in BD's career.
But, I can't just quit... BD and I have had too many members of our police family come to us and support us this week. It has been so great and I need to say thank you because we really really need the support right now.
So, thank you.

Ps. I posted my feelings the other day on my family blog here. I think we are still in that place.

PPs. if any of you did want to email with me, I wouldn't mind at all. post a comment with your email and I won't let it see light of day, I'll just email you.

Thank you police family near, far and cyber.

Done

2009-07-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

Poke a fork in me, I am done.

I love my husband but sometimes I hate people

2009-07-06T19:54:00.000-07:00

So, BD's vacation is over. 2+ weeks.
We loved it.
We fished, did yard work, shopped. BD... hold on, this is huge... WATCHED ALL THE KIDS FOR ME MULTIPLE TIMES so I could go to Ballet class, meetings, coach soccer and all the other things I normally have to either rustle up a sitter for or take the her with me. We talked a lot, we did all sorts of fun family things. It was just plain fantastic. And it actually happened, which truly was a first. He has NEVER had a vacation actually happen in 5 years. Sure a day off here and there, but never a vacation. I loved it so much.

So, that was the wonderful. We are a tight family, but it was truly wonderful to have even more time together. The kids were so happy, I was so happy, he was so happy.

He did work July 3rd as they have a fireworks show in the county and the city officers usually help out with traffic. My guy was on bike patrol with Natalie's (honestly, they are inseparable) man, which worked out fine for us as BD saved me a spot at the show so I drove in right before it started and pulled right into my nifty spot, then I pulled out right before the show ended and got home in a few minutes. Got to hang with Nat, our guys and all that good stuff. Love my police family.

Here is the part I hate:

BD was directing traffic and some guy wanted to go straight where he couldn't and so BD directed him to turn. Lots of traffic, busy night, no biggie, right. Well, the guy spit at him. Nice.

Besides my initial mama bear thought of let me at the schmuck I just have to wonder... is not getting to go straight and having to turn (btw, if you knew that intersection you would know BD did the guy a favor because the guy would have driven into a parking lot he couldn't get out of and would have had to turn out the way BD told him to anyhow) worth spitting on someone? Really?

So, yay for vacation and boo for jerkwads.

Bachelorette from an LEO perspective

2009-06-30T19:08:00.000-07:00

OK. I feel like I need to add a disclaimer before continuing.

I have never watched the Bachelorette before this season and only started watching it after not being able to get my Castle fix until September 20th, when Season 2 begins.

With that said, I've had fun looking at all the eye candy the bachelors have provided (and yes, I've admitted that to FH and he knows that no one else could satisfy me the way he does), seeing all the fun dates that I'd never go on but still appreciate. What does any of that have to do with the LEO world?

Profiling, my friends. Profiling.

I realize that this reality series is still a television show and the producers are showing their audience what they want to show them, so we (the viewers) get a very controlled perspective of the characters behind the show.

I've taken all of that with a grain of salt, realizing that some of the voiceover may be spliced and added where convenient. I've also realized that there is some quick thinking deflection being done by one bachelor that's not on the show for love.

Bachelor #1:

Smooth talking country musician (aka Master Manipulator) that already has a girlfriend and is only on the show to promote his musical career.

Bachelor #2:

The "perfect" package as a commercial pilot and ultimate gentleman (aka Goldenheart) yet got kicked off last week. He showed up to call Master Manipulator's bluff.

* * *

During their interviews, Goldenheart looked brokenhearted yet extremely worried about Jillian because of previous conversations he had had with Master Manipulator. As for the country singer, you could see the sly smirks and egotistical knowhow in wooing Jillian around his little finger.

And what of the Bachelorette?

Cute as a button and very trusting, Jillian (aka Miss Intuition) is falling head over heels for Master Manipulator yet keeps questioning if he's sincere. If you've read Gavin DeBecker's Protecting the Gift you'll know what I'm talking about when I say that Miss Intuition is not listening to her gut instincts about Master Manipulator OR Goldenheart.

I was noticing a lot of body language signs that I thought FH would be interested in, so I shared with him my novice LEO profiling.

The result?

I have never seen FH light up about let alone watch a chick show, but he got so excited pointing out the psychological body language in Master Manipulator while showing off his interrogation training in spotting lie after lie. Well, it impressed me!

FH then explained why Miss Intuition fell for it and how Master Manipulator's family was part of the web of lies. As for Goldenheart? I don't think we've seen the last of him.

I have never had SO much fun watching a program before, and it's all because of the perspectives LEOs have when profiling individuals. Best date night ever!!!

Is this only awesome to me or can you relate? I'd love to hear if you've had similar experiences while watching "reality" tv. ;)

Seeing Pink in Maricopa County

2009-06-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

A friend of ours sent us this e-mail because they know how much FH has looked up to "Sheriff Joe" since he was young. FH was born in the same county that Sheriff Joe's pink prison camp resides, so it's always had a tender place in his heart for effective jailing.

Here's the article, and as much as the English teacher in me wanted to correct the sentence structure, I left it as they sent it, so don't blame me for a few awkward sentences and incorrect grammar! ;)

You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well.......... SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!

Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay. The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows.

The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78.The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day.

Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals. I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas.

He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand.

He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the Prison.

Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote. Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens.

Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's kind of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff.

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the ' Tent City Jail': He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights Cut off all but 'G' movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get Sued For Discrimination.

He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again Only Let In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel.

When asked why the weather channel He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It's Gonna Be While They Are Working ON My Chain Gangs.

He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value. When the inmates complained, he told them, 'This Isn't The Ritz/Carlton......If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back.'

More On The Arizona Sheriff: With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports: About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued Pink Boxer Shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 Degrees Inside The Week Before.

Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS.'It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,' Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.'

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: 'It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear, But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes,So Shut Your Mouths!'

Way To Go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

In tribute to Michael

2009-06-26T14:47:00.000-07:00

OK, Kimber is the one that should get full credit for finding this nugget on YouTube after posting it on Facebook today as a tribute to the now late Michael Jackson. I couldn't help but share it with the LEO community, so here you go:

Just remember that Kimber found it, stating, "This is what really happens in prison" and I stole it to place here.

Enjoy. ;)

Some jacked-up priorities

2009-06-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

As I was checking my e-mail today, I came across this article "Even Cops Losing their Jobs in Recession."

I've already talked with FH about how messed up it is to tighten the belts of LEOs because as times get tough, so do the criminals, and more of them seem to spring up with the figurative belt-tightening being done in every business. Thus, instead of getting RID of LEOs, we need to hire MORE to keep stability in an unstable world.

What do you think? Do you have (or have you seen) any solutions that resort in police officers NOT getting the shaft?

Who knows? Maybe with these tough times and hard-to-keep jobs, it'll force departments to sift through their worthless officers and keep the ones that need to be there. Just a thought!

Vacay-huh?

2009-06-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

Big Daddy is on vacation.
So, apparently he had waaaaaay too many vacation hours and was ordered to stay out of the office for the next 3 weeks.

I am thrilled. He is thrilled.

But, not sure what to do with ourselves. I've sent him fishing, he's gardened, we fixed some house things that needed fixing.

What DO your cop husbands do on vacation? He's never had one before where he didn't get called out within the 1st 24 hours so we're a bit at a loss.

(But I'm happy to have him around!)

LEO: Kid's Perspective

2009-06-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

Thank you SO much Stephanie for making this post about little kid encounters with the police.

While reading True Blue, one of the stories that both FH and I loved was titled, "Little Boy, G.I. Joe" by Officer Scott Harmon. Officer Harmon was out patrolling, spotted a little boy sitting on a curb crying, and after finding out that the boy's G.I. Joe fell down the drain, the scenario that followed involved over 4 squad cars, dispatch calling city workers for a crowbar, and the end result:

"I got him!" I shouted with joyous triumph. And at that moment I saw myself as someone I hope I'll always be. I looked at the boy and his face was almost angelic and his smile simply brightened my existence and warmed my heart. I stood up, dusted myself off, waked over to the boy and presented him with G.I. Joe, no worse for his experience in the drain.

"Here you go, sir," I said.

"Thank you so very much!" the boy said with utter joy and gratitude. I realized at that moment what this job is all about.

Sometimes it's just nice to know that kids see officers as what they truly are: protecting and serving so that we can all have a better tomorrow.

A successful "Wife" get together

2009-06-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

So, this week we finally got a small group of local leo wives together.
It was really quite nice. We all joked about the same things, we listened slack jawed as Lynne told us all about going on a ride along with her husband (as nobody else's husband will take a wife on a ridealong) and we talked about things with people who understood.

It was great.

We're going to start meeting on a monthly basis and I for one am thrilled.

We're also going to add a few authors here (I think).

I don't know about Natalie, but it made me feel great to visit with the other wives.

That's all, just wanted to share.

Ideas from a Bookworm

2009-06-11T12:58:00.001-07:00

I've been taking full advantage of good reads mentioned by other cop wives like this one, whether on their blogs or from hearsay, so I thought it would be fun to discuss an idea here.

I don't think that I'm ambitious enough to try to formulate a book club via blogging, but I'm curious what sort of recent (and would recommend) reads you've encountered that had to do with the police world, especially the LEO family. I've read I Love a Cop, which seems to be the most recommended book out there for cop wives, but I have to be honest, I didn't really get a lot from it (sheepish look) and isn't my favorite read (guilty conscience).

Our small town library only had one book of interest that related to cops, titled True Blue: Police Stories by Those Who lived Them by Sgt. Randy Sutton.

However, we also have interlibrary loan so I have a few I'm waiting for based off of what was widgeted (did I just make that word up? Oh, well) by LAPD Wife and Mrs. Fuzz. After just a few days of True Blue, I'm loving it!

In fact, True Blue's helped my communication with Fauxhawk since I started reading. A lot of stresses at work lately have made him less inclined to open up with me about a lot of things, so our hubby/wife talks were pretty much non-existent, leading to an extremely unhappy housewife and utterly confused husband.

That's actually one of the main reasons why I decided to look into more books on the cop world. I wanted to grasp what could be going on mentally so I could adapt my wife protocol to be a little better for FH.

The result? Sgt. Sutton has a great compilation of police stories from hilarious to horrific, and I couldn't help but sharing some of them with FH. I thought I'd just read the book to myself, but as I was getting into it, I realized I had to share at least a few with him. We started with the funniest ones, like the alien invasion that was solved with a radar gun. FH could indirectly relate to that one when a deputy he works with had to respond multiple times to a female believing ghosts were in her walls. It was awesome.

After getting some good laughs and snuggling closer while reading aloud, we started to read some more heartfelt ones, and that's where FH really opened up. After reading about an officer that explained why he stops and cites individuals for not wearing a seatbelt (the boy he cited was later killed in a car crash for not wearing his seatbelt, making the officer question if he didn't do his job well enough to not get the message through), FH shared with me the only time in two years he's ever been thanked for doing his job.

It was such an amazing connection that I had with him when he shared that, and it made me realize that living as the spouse in an LEO world doesn't necessarily need to be as hard as I've been making it anymore. I just need to know what channels to communicate with, and this time, it started with reading a book.

Any other recommendations?

Who would Jesus shun?

2009-06-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

So, here is an interesting situation.

Where we live, just about everyone is the same religion. Makes for interesting dynamics at church. Our particular congregation has approximately 12 people who are employed in some way for state, county or city law enforcement. Plus their families. That is a well protected church service, I can tell you that!

** Note, I am keeping this story vague because Big Daddy has been a bit upset in the past when I've posted things about his job. Lots of stressful stuff there right now, so I don't want to get him any crankier, although this sentence alone could be enough for him to censor me. It's a sore spot, I will admit. Back to the story...***

Anyhow, some time ago, Big Daddy had a case involving a family (multiple members of the family in this case) in our congregation who were eventually cited/arrested. (Not the first family and I'm sure not the last.) I will admit, it shocked me how kind BD was to them throughout it, showing a lot more mercy than I would have (one more reason why I am not the leo in this family. that and the fact that I have never shot a gun). Anyhow, before said arrest, they were always very visual in the church, and now... gone.

The other day another person told me that they are offended over it and won't come anymore. Honestly, that is too bad. Truly. (Although, I will submit; if you don't want to be offended over getting arrested, maybe don't break the law. Just a thought, and maybe that's crazy talk, but I thought I'd throw that bone out there.)

But, this is where I get a tad ruffled.

A year back, we stopped going to this congregation for a while and went to another one because we felt ostracized over BD's job and how it affected our relationships with fellow church goers (you know, BD investigating/arresting them on occasion) AND more importantly, there were some safety issues with our kids and people at church and we felt strongly that our church leaders were minimizing and outright ignoring our concerns. So, we went elsewhere for a time to get some focus. Eventually we switched back (which I have not loved), but things are strained still.

While we were gone, it was all but a "good riddance" vibe to us. That's fine, we ruffled feathers, I get that. But for these people who are now offended, who broke the law, the same church leaders are telling people to treat with kid gloves, give them extra love.

Why is it that law abiding citizens who have genuine concerns are treated like lepers and those who apparently find the laws optional are treated like fine china?

I don't get it.

Just out of curiosity...

2009-05-12T10:15:00.001-07:00

I've found that a lot of police officers tend to marry a certain type of woman. Teachers, social workers, dispatchers, EMTs, etc...

I'm the type of person that likes to do little experiments. I guess it's to keep the brain active, but a college professor once told me (I was his secretary for over 3 years while getting my bachelor's) that I have an "unquenchable thirst for knowledge" which must be why I loved being a teacher before choosing to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).

I'm certified in secondary history and English education, and caught the teaching bug while student teaching under my old 6th grade teacher. I taught 7th grade Social Studies (and am horrible with geography, so that was a challenge!). My husband (whom will now be known as Fauxhawk or FH for short) also loves history, which first attracted me to him. We're kind of nerds, but at least we still value our personal hygiene and we don't really look the part.

I was able to recognize the police bug FH caught when he became a police officer because I had it happen to me in teaching. I'm keeping my credentials up while I'm a SAHM, but I still miss the teaching atmosphere. I substitute occasionally, but now that I have more children, it's harder to work everything out and still enjoy myself (crazy that a substitute teacher would actually enjoy themselves, eh?!).

I hope this doesn't appear as asking something too personal. I've just noticed while participating in the blogging world of cop wives, I've found some kindred spirits (corny I know, but I LOVE Anne of Green Gables) and am curious what else we have in common and if there's a link between certain types of people that are married in the cop world.

I'm also curious if your officer became an LEO before or after you met. I've known FH for over 9 years now, 5 1/2 of which we've been married and 1 1/2 of those have been as an LEO.

Lots to handle, I know, but it would be SO nice if you could satisy this bit of curiosity for me. I can't wait to see the results!

Washing my hands of things

2009-05-10T15:22:00.000-07:00

So, I am just going to let this out so I can let it go.

A few weeks ago I saw one of the officers commit a misdemeanor. Not a big deal, except it is actually a growing problem deal for the dept that involves other people. Overall, it shouldn't be happening. But, this has happened a LOT and it just irks me because the community sees it and knows about it and it gives off a sense of, "the police only have to obey the law when they feel like it." Just feels wrong and unfair.

Anyhow, BD told me that someone would interview me about this. No one has. He told me to sit tight and be patient and I did. Now I'm done with it. If the dept is going to sweep it under the rug, fine, not my problem.

But...

In order for it to not be my problem anymore, I need to just wash my hands of it. Be done with it and not care.

So, here is me forgetting what I saw, forgettting whens and wheres. Gone and done with it. If the dept is okay with having that rep, that is fine with me.

Hands washed, vent over, moving on.

Anyone ever see these you tube videos?

2009-05-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

There are 7 parts, I only posted the 1st one.

What's for dinner, honey?

2009-04-28T09:10:00.001-07:00

Check out this police eating survey (if you haven't already!) provided by LAPD Wife. I think it's a great idea to see how we can better feed our boys in blue.

I love to cook (it's a great stress release for me, as long as the kiddies aren't screaming or clinging to my legs while I'm stirring a scalding hot pan) but sometimes it's not very motivating when my man has a night shift or isn't ready to come home when dinner's ready so I end up eating alone with a toddler and infant (the conversation isn't very stimulating and my food's always cold by the time I can eat it all).

We also live in the same small town that my husband is a patrol officer in, so technically he doesn't even need to pack a lunch or dinner, he can just come home. Sometimes he does, but usually he doesn't eat at all (depending on the shift) or grabs a quick bite with the other officers at a local fast food joint. It'll be interesting to see the similarities and differences throughout the blue line.

A question for the other LEO families out there

2009-04-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

So, here's a question to other police families. Are you close to other LEO families in your or neighboring departments?
Was it hard to do that?
Do you have activities together or do you just get together unofficially?
If you have a tight knit department, what would your suggestions be for other departments?
Also, does your city or county have any benefits for police families (ie business give a small discount if cop families show a card or something)?
What websites do you suggest for LEO wives to gain more support?
Are there any organizations or fraternities?

Okay, that's all.

MIA Husbands

2009-04-23T08:35:00.001-07:00

I figured it was about time I post something here since I've been a contributor to our small-town police wife blog for a few months now. I blame part of it on the fact that I could never think up a clever pseudonym for my husband all LEO-inspired, so I just refer to him as my man. I know, lame, but I'll figure something amazing out at a later date. On to the real reason for the post!

Due to the financial crunch the whole U.S. of A is experiencing, my man and other officers have had to find other monetary means besides just the job to help with finances. Shocking, I know, since police officers get paid SO much for putting their lives on the line every time they go to work...no, wait. I was thinking of a perfect world in which people get paid what they deserve. Let's continue.

I'm grateful that he's willing to continue to sacrifice so that I can remain home with our babies, but it really begins to catch up with me not having a husband for days on end. In fact, I get so used to doing things on my own, it's hard to include him sometimes when he's actually home. It's totally contradictory, and maybe you can relate.

For instance, I was frazzled having to clean up yet another mess from my toddler son, and my man offered to help clean it up while I took a break. Sweet, huh?! Well, I was so caught up in mommy/maid/caretaker mode that I turned on him and exclaimed that he didn't know where anything was and "it may be so easy for some to just leave a mess but not for me."

This then led to my declaration that I don't expect anything from him because I've had to learn to do it all myself, he has enough to worry about with his job, blah, blah, blah... You get the picture.

Not until I had calmed down, disaster clean-up occurred, and I was able to eat some food (I don't think I had taken the time to feed myself that day, and it really showed), I realized how hurt my man was by not being given any expectations in the household. I thought I was helping him when I told him I didn't expect him to do anything around the house since I'm ALWAYS here, but he NEEDED to help because he could see how stressed I get.

I guess part of it is his natural personality to want to help (which makes him an excellent cop) and he likes to be successful in calming down a stressful situation. I need to allow my husband to no longer be given the title of MIA and let him be the husband that he is--helpful and an amazing father. Now if only I could solve the mess-making skills of my toddler?!

Late for dinner

2009-03-31T06:33:00.001-07:00

So, my guy had some fun last night and ended up being late for dinner. A few years ago this drove me nuts. A few months ago when he didn't call me to say he would be even later it really drove me nuts.

I've been working hard to have a better perspective on it. Instead of feeling like he has no respect for me and the work I'm doing, I reminded myself that the job was probably bigger (ie. more drugs, more drunk people, someone who felt like fighting) and he was taking the extra time to be safe and do his job right. Plus, that is more paperwork and that takes longer.

Instead of being mad at the kids because their dad wasn't home and I couldn't yell at him, we sang some songs, played some games and had a totally "junk food" dinner: chicken nuggets, tater tots and root beer floats. We taught the baby how to drink from a straw for the first time and we laughed watching each other try to drink a root beer float without getting the foam on our noses.
I texted my guy to tell him what we were doing and that we missed him, instead of calling him and interrupting him (which could be dangerous). I just added texting to my cell plan this month for that reason. He called right back saying he missed us too and he was finishing paperwork. No grumpiness from either of us, just happy.

I put the kids to bed (kinda late, but oh well) and my guy got home a bit later still. But it's okay. I'm finally getting better at realizing he isn't trying to make me miserable or inconvenience me. Sure, he probably joked with the guys in there too, but he needs that comraderie. They keep each other safe and they need that time together. I know these are small things and those more seasoned police families probably think I am a moron for making a deal out of them, but they are milestones for me. Proof that I am adapting to this lifestyle and will be thriving in it instead of just surviving. Makes me happy.

Childs Play

2009-03-13T16:30:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to my kids play with dolls and cars and just cracking up.

Just a small sampling of what I am hearing:

(To the toys)
This is the police car to the dump truck. Drop your weapons.
Ambulance car to police car. I need back up.
This is detective Isabelle Tower responding to a dead body call. (niiiiicccce)

Then we have dolls who are in a domestic "training". I don't know what that is. Oh and one doll went to a blood spatter training. Awesome.

(from sister to brother and back again)
Buddy, can you hand me that hammer? Over.
Okay Belle, here it is. Over.
Thanks Buddy. Over.
You're welcome. Over.
(This continued for some time, but I was laughing too hard to remember the rest.)

Yelled to me:

Mom! Xander is being a perp!

Mom! Buddy is about to commit battery!

Mom! You need to confiscate some weapons!

Here is a link to what we did this weekend too!
I wonder how normal kids play?

Public/Private life

2009-02-26T23:10:00.000-08:00

I find myself in an interesting place.

With my business, I must live a fairly public life online. Just goes with the territory of my business (you can see it here if you must). I'm mostly great with that.

With blogging, same thing. I'm pretty okay with people knowing me.

But, for some reason I really HATE my neighbors knowing me since I don't know alot of them. I hate that people know that we are a police family and know my name when I don't know theirs.

It makes me uncomfortable to be so known locally when I don't know all of them. I don't like people knowing who my kids are and who their daddy is locally, but online I could care less.

Kind of a strange combination. I wish I could live a hermit's life sometimes. With high speed internet.

Toilets, burglars... must they go hand in hand?

2009-02-16T13:49:00.001-08:00

It's a holiday, yay!
That means BD will be here all day AND get paid, my favorite kind of day. Plus it is our wedding anniversary tomorrow and I had some serious plans!

Huge relief because we have 2 clogged toilets that he has been ignoring and I'm going to have to start using a friggin' log if he doesn't hop to.
So, BD starts taking apart the toilet and...

You knew what was going to happen!
Batphone rings and some moron just HAD to rob a few stores last night. Of course, the detective is needed and so off he goes.

Now, I'm not really mad about that. Sure, I'm peeved that he snapped at me when I asked if he needed to go (mostly because I wanted to pack him a lunch, but grumpy men do not get special lunches from me), and I am not happy about the fact that my toilet is super unusable now.

I'm mostly just entertained/irritated at the criminals in the area. I SWEAR they have monthly meetings that go something like this:

Dirtbag 1: So, uh, Jim Bob, I was gonna vandalize the Dairy Queen next week, is that cool or did you want it?

Dirtbag 2: No, Jim Ray, you can have it. I've been eyeing the Artic Circle for awhile.

Dirtbag 1: You are so thoughtful! Hey, where did you have your mullet dyed at? I have some serious root regrowth and it just will not do.

Dirtbag 2: There is this lovely spa up on Farnsworth...

(Dirtbag 3 bursts in the trailer)

Dirtbag 3: Guys! It is a HOLIDAY tomorrow! That means Det BD will be home! Plus, it is his wedding anniversay the next day and his wife has some big plans that she will need the entire day for! Lets do something really big and stupid, but not big and stupid enough to make us go to jail for any serious amount of time. Just something that a lenient judge will give us a month or so and probabation for!

Dirtbags 1 and 2: Yay! Okay, lets break into the store up the street, and steal just a hundred bucks, but break some crap! Perfect!

(Off they go into the night.)

I hope it goes that way. Otherwish God is having a good laugh at my expense right now...

The wife protocol

2009-02-11T17:27:00.000-08:00

So, there has been some internal drama at the office lately and while I'm not really freaked about it, it has reminded me that things CAN happen to officers and their families just because they are families. I am trying to find some ideas for the following:

Personal family protocol if we are with Big Daddy and something not so great happens (like in a public place)

Protocol if a freak shows up at the door looking for Big Daddy (this one has occured, but I want to be prepared for the ones I can't scare away with a dirty look and my big mean voice)

Some sort of phone tree for the wives if a big event occurs

A set plan for if something happens to one of the boys and a wife needs some help in the immediate aftermath

A guide for my eldest if there is an incident and she is not with us (ie at school)

Maybe I'm being silly, but I really love to have plans in place. I find it soothing. So far Big Daddy has given me very specific instructions on the first issue, but I want to make sure I work on the kids with that so they don't blow his cover or anything like that.

A loss

2009-02-02T12:37:00.000-08:00

Saturday we had a big day planned. Right as we were heading out the door, the Batphone rang. (Bit of humor, the 6 and three year old both sighed and said, "great, a body." Sadly, this was unwittingly morbid humor from the kids).

Big Daddy (bear with me, I'm trying out a new nickname here) had to go to an unattended death. That part was no biggie, but what was big was what I had to do next.

I get that this is really only important to me, but it is important nonetheless.

I hauled the kids out to the event, I took Big Daddy's place as well as I could and I covered for him. I didn't want to. I wanted to just stay home and can the day, but I realize I can't do that. I can't make the kids lives revolved around their Papa's schedule. It isn't right and it won't help our family down the road. So, I did it on my own, something I knew nothing about. I was scared but I did it!

When Big Daddy finished his work up he caught up with us. I could tell he was happy to be with us, but felt bad because he missed his daughter's first tournament (she got 2nd place in it btw). He missed a big deal... but he had too. He was helping another set of parents cope with the loss of their little one. I don't know how he copes with that. I think he was upset that he wasn't more broken up over it, but I say that he is just learning to cope with a terribly sad part of his job.

Things like this will happen for the rest of my kids lives with their Daddy. I need to keep doing what I'm doing and learn to be the Mom and Dad when necessary.

Family emergency vs protocol

2009-01-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday I took a spill. A pretty bad one. It was icy outside and I slipped while holding the baby and dropped him.

I was really dazed and terrified. Another cop's wife was there and she called my dh who was sleeping off a night shift. It was about 10:30am so he's only had about 5 hours of sleep.
20 minutes later he shows up and just barks at me in front of everyone there.
He was really mad that I didn't immediately go to the hospital since the baby had fallen and I was hurt. I was so embarrassed.

I know what his procedure would be, but I just needed him to take care of me. I didn't care about procedure. I was in pain, and scared because the baby was hurt.

He continued to chew me out on the way to the urgent care, telling me I knew better and I hadn't used any common sense etc. I've read a lot of police books and so the logical part of me recognizes that he was in cop mode and was showing his concern in the best way he could.

But, it still really hurt. I wish he would just turn it off once in awhile.

This was another reminder that while he cares very much about us and loves his family, we can't depend on him showing emotional support because frankly, he isn't always capable of it.

For the record, the baby had a concussion (I feel so guilty) and I'm pretty positive I broke my tailbone again. Now comes me sucking it up for the next few weeks while I heal and while dh tells me to "get over it".

Might come back and erase this post later. But I wanted to say it "out loud" for a second.

We're becoming shut ins

2008-12-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

So, we decided not to travel about 60 miles to a family thing tonight. No biggie, right? Well, other family members are doing it and they have three times as far to go.

I think the family thinks we're a bunch of jerks (or they just blame me as I'm the inlaw).

But, here's the deal. Charming here sees all the accidents every day. He knows who was killed where, how, when and what the weather was like. He knows that often you don't need to worry about yourself, but about the other idiot on the road driving too fast, to crazy, too drunk. And he doesn't want to travel a distance in crappy weather.

More knowledge changes what we do. Sometimes I miss the old days when we would drive in a blizzard just because we wanted pizza THAT BAD.

But I like living safer better. I think. And if we aren't the life of the party anymore... oh well.

Police family

2008-12-22T13:58:00.000-08:00

Something that really frustrates me is the lack of closeness in my local police family. Sure, some of us hang out and are pretty tight, but it seems like egos and politics or personal beefs seem to screw things up sometimes.
I'll be frank, there are some members of my local police family that I don't adore. But here's the deal... like them or not, if someone rips on them I'm going to stick up for them. I wish I knew they would do the same for me.
I've tried to have get togethers, wife things... anything to bring the local cop wives closer together. Some people play along, but it's the same group. I'd like to incorporate everyone and really have a tight cohesive department. We're small enough that I think it would really benefit everyone. But, I can't figure out how to do it. Maybe some people will just never join in the fun and I need to accept that and move on.
Not really sure where I'm going with this, but I wanted to just vent I think.

Protecting my kids and not being a crazy lady

2008-10-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

This is the part of that thin blue line I always fall off of.

How far is too far? When am I not just protective, but waaaay over protective?

Sometimes I think it is better NOT to know what is in my town, on my block, right next door... but at the same time I'm grateful for the knowledge.

The locals here really make me mad because they down play the dangers to our kids. I have a few friends in situations where there is a dangerous person living in close proximity to them... someone who the police really could and should protect them from... but nothing can be done. Why? Because the public has tied their hands by refusing to report things. Because they don't want to be "bad neighbors".

What neighbor is worse? The one who reports a potential child abuser or the one who says nothing and then a child is abused?

All of this is weighing heavily on me this week as I'm trying to decide what to do with a person at church who is just being a bit too friendly to my 3 year old. I don't really think anything bad could come of it, but the behavior is TOO familiar for my taste and I worry about my boy being too lax down the road with someone who could hurt him. Plus, I don't know this specific person from Adam and frankly, I don't really want too.

Don't want to hurt feelings, but I do want this person to back off a bit from my child.

Also don't want to stir things up because in a small town it ALWAYS turns into a cop family vs. town situation.

Gotta love small towns.

Shoulda screened the call...

2008-10-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

Finally, Sam told me he was taking a day off and it happened. I need to work myself and he promised to take the baby and 3 year old so I could get someting done. It's been a few weeks of attempts and it finally happened!

Well, first he went to work at 8am, then he came home at noon and so then it happened.

Then the phone rang and I screened it, but when it was another leo, I handed the phone over (you have no idea how important it is to screen calls so all the neighbors don't ask their personal cop questions and/or for favors when they are home). Anyhow, 2 seconds later, I get THE FACE, the, "I'm sorrys" and a door shutting.

Then I see him again around 6pm for a quick bite to eat (because I insisted he eat or hurt my feelings) and I saw him again at midnight.

To make up for it he took today off.

Guess where he is right now?

I'm not mad, I know it isn't his fault. But I do think that the criminals in the area coordinate their shenannigans for when they know it will screw me over. I kid... I think.

I know who you are

2008-10-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

Something I loathe about being married to a cop in a tiny town is that everyone "knows" my family.

People I've never met just start talking to me about my husband.

People ask me about things that are personal to me and I don't even know their name... half the time they don't know my first name, they just call me "Tower's wife".

If I say or do anything it goes through the town faster just because my husband is more "high profile" of a person due to his job and the size of our town. (I pretend it is because I am a rock star, but alas, I know the truth)

I've tried to embrace this lack of privacy, this creepy feeling of everyone knowing things about me when I don't know them from Adam, but it remains. I don't like it.

I need a place to scream...

2008-10-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

So here I am.

For better or for worse, this is my little corner to roar when I need it.